before

[treasure]

* how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
i will feel better. will probably be less anxious later. it will stop me being so fragile.

* what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
bring - scars. take - pride in myself.

* how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
i want to si in the future, so it's not going to change anything if i si now.

* if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
the relief will probably last all day. tonight i should be distracted on the computer and with music. at the cinema later (meeting up with new ppl) it will probably still be helping me, i just remind myself of my si and the relief is still there (probably)

* what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
i could go back to bed. it is early morning and i'm still tired. i could eat breakfast. i could do some computer things i wanted to do.

* how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
if i hurt myself and it helps i will feel fine tomorrow, even good. if it doesn't help i will be angry that it didn't and still urgy. the other stuff might help, but if i don't si, tomorrow will probably be hard.

* what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
go to bed. maybe i can't sleep but i would like to warm and comfortable for a little while. si is ignoring my feelings, and maybe the feelings are easier to cope with if i can relax.

* Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
crying every few days in the last couple of weeks. i feel like a mess, i can't just fix myself. i don't feel close to my new t, i might not ever be close to her, and i'm probably protecting myself by not making an appt. i haven't seen her for 2 weeks, i probably need to this week.

* Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
not really. lots of different stresses, but also a lot more emotional than usual. i don't know what to do.

* What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
i have posted on bus, played card games (that annoyed me further)... i will probably go to bed.

* How do I feel right now?
sad, weak, a waste of space

* How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
strong, invincible, in control,

* How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
reckless, glad i hurt myself.

* Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
maybe?

* Do I need to hurt myself?
need, no there are other things i can do. will i si, maybe, but not straight away.

[Twinky]

postponing is always good!!

[treasure]

true twinky.

sleeping helped and then bus was distracting and eating lunch was good. i am still anxious but not urgy. cool

[Twinky]

very very pleased!!