write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
i will feel better. i will feel stronger, less sad, less unstable. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
bring - a quick fix. scars. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
i don't see a future. i don't care about the long run.. except i do a little as i'm able to stop myself cutting my arms so i can wear short sleeves. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
relief will probably last a few hrs til i go to sleep. if i don't si i might not be able to sleep, the past few nights i've lain awake thinking/feeling too much.
tomorrow i will try and get a few things done, and maybe a new day will feel more hopeful. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
i could read, i don't know if my book will hold my attention. i could go to bed. i could punch something (soft) to get out my frustration. possibly music will help.
those things would be just to distract myself until i'm tired enough to sleep. in bed, to stop me si-ing, i could do relaxation techniques. visualisation. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
i don't think there'll be much difference. i am likely to be sad and urgy again tomorrow. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
... self-protective... thinking about that hurt. i can't stop feeling sad. i can't stop being anxious. i can't make myself comfortable in hot weather and can't change the fact that it's summer for another 3 months. so i *need* to protect myself or i will give up. not that i don't want to give up, but i am thinking about si, not su, so these q's are about that
i guess i could be nicer to myself in my head. try to have less of the "you deserve to hurt" thoughts - fight them...? i don't think i can. maybe just be nice to myself by going to bed at a reasonable time.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
i hate myself. my life.
to be more specific - i feel like i need to si to deal with my emotions. i hate feeling sad all the time. i am at this point because it is near the end of the year, and because i don't yet trust my new t and feel like i have noone. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
i have not felt like i had absolutely no one before. i have had trouble with xmas/new years before. i dealt with it by not expecting much to happen, and doing things the way i wanted. i tended to feel a bit crappy but got through ok. - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
i went to the library earlier, ate take way for dinner. made a salad at home a little while ago cos i was still hungry. i've been reading on and off and playing solitaire.
i could play computer games for a while, non-frustrating ones that distract me pretty well. then go to bed, with cds and a book nearby in case i get upset or can't sleep. - How do I feel right now?
more capable of getting through this urge - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
reckless, happy. - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
probably sad again, possibly still reckless and not safe. - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
no - Do I need to hurt myself?
not right now
