after

tools to help you assess your urges before you give in to them, and to help you understand and learn from slips after they happen. by posting here, you're saying that you are serious about exploring the feelings behind your self-harm in depth, whether you're ready to stop hurting yourself or not. to request posting access, click usergroups above and join before and after.

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kendra
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after

Post by kendra » Sun Nov 25, 2007 8:34 am

After:

Questions to Answer After A Slip
slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.
  • have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
    yeah
  • what had happened just before?
    too much~ I was at work
  • what were you thinking and feeling?
    I felt stupid, I felt like other people thought I was stupid
  • why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
    I think everything led up to the final straw, I've been dealing with a lot of stuff and today just was the breaking point. A coworker acted like I was a moron because of a stupid mistake I made, I said I was sorry and it was a simple mistake to make but she kept harping on it. I didn't feel heard.
  • how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
    I've been dealing with health issues and fighting with my doctors to get proper care, I had to email my doctor numerous times trying to be taken seriously.
    I had a customer act like I had no clue what I was talking about and verified everything I said with my coworkers
    I had the problem with the coworker
    I got really depressed today anyway and can't really place why (could be related to health stuff I've been going through).
    I don't know what to change, I had been getting support, and asking for supports when I needed it.
  • were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
    No... although depression could be related to health problems and I think that stopped me from thinking things through
  • what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
    I walked away from the situation, I stood up for myself and asked to be left alone, my request was ignored until I told her to just go back inside and made it clear I wasn't going to go back until I had time alone.
  • in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
    I don't know... sorry
  • name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
    I don't know
  • how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
    I am going to stand up for myself at work again if she brings it up tomorrow, it was an easy mistake to make and I'm sure I wasn't the first to make it. Beyond that and leaving the situation if it gets bad... I don't know
  • are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
    I hate not feeling heard, it's something that doesn't come up a lot because I do tend to be quiet and am fine there most of the time... I don't know really it's something that happens but I don't really know how to deal with it
  • what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
Listen to loud music in the car before going home
come here and do some distractions or ask for help
?
About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.
  • What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
    Things built up to a breaking point
  • Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
    it was there
  • What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
    cried more. I don't know, I was in a bad place emotionally
  • If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
    increased
  • What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
  • If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?

Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.

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herebedragons
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Post by herebedragons » Tue Nov 27, 2007 2:32 am

I've been dealing with health issues and fighting with my doctors to get proper care, I had to email my doctor numerous times trying to be taken seriously.

I got really depressed today anyway and can't really place why (could be related to health stuff I've been going through).
I can really relate to having health problems (and the effort it takes to get the proper care for them) cause/increase problems with depression. I hope that you are getting better care now.

I've found that when I am feeling like crap that lately taking care of myself can (somewhat) take the place that s.i. would otherwise hold. It sounds like a silly thing but fixing myself a nice cup of tea and taking the time to just sit and drink it or taking a nap if I can fit one can make me feel a bit better. Not hugely perhaps, but enough to give me enough of a lift that I can avoid s.i.
Let me think about the people who I care about the most. And how when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself.” — Ze Frank

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kendra
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Post by kendra » Tue Nov 27, 2007 7:10 am

thats a good idea, taking that frustration and making a point of taking care of myself... Tea is good, I could also plug in my headphones and play my keyboard (then I can bang away also). Oh something else that is a little silly but maybe is hugging my big teddy bear...

I think the depression is caused at least partially from this dang illness when I haven't had trouble with health (on the good days) I'm less depressed

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