Before *a bit of contemplating SU

[xStarBright]

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  I think it may make me feel worse. I'm not sure. It's a way of expressing myself, not coping.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  I don't know. I just want to get rid of everything. Just because a friend brought up a few names.. It's complicated.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  I want my friend to stop bothering them. I want thing's to feel surreal. She doesn't know them, she lives at the other side of the world! I'm don't think I'm jelous.. Just hurt, that she's bothered with them more. She's known me longer, I've helped her more. Hurting myself won't change anything. It may make me bitter. So maybe farther. It may make me more calm. So maybe closer. So I don't know about the result of the situation, but it will give me the surreal feeling. I don't care how I feel after hurting myself. I can't do these questions..
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  It will make thing's sureal. I don't know how long it will last. I don't know if surrealness is what I aim for, I don't know what I aim for. But it's the closest thing I can put down. I don't know what I will do again. Probably hurt myself again.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  I don't know what I could do. I don't like exploring my feelings and options. But I could do the tieing up method. I don't have any friends, nobody likes me. I want to commit SU. I want to harm. I don't want to feel. So instead of this, what else will achieve it is probably sitting on the floor, not thinking, ignoring things? I want to tell her to shut up. I feel annoyed that /she/ feel's bad for it too. I hate it that she has feelings too.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  I will not give anything a second thought. I will probably feel more hurt when my friend mentions them again, if I SI.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  I want everything to go away. I want to stop listening to my feeling's, and just harm. I don't understand the rest of the question.