Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
i'll feel calmer, more relaxed, be better able to face carrying on. the actual situation won't change at all - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
it will bring calm and control and composure, it will take away my ability to cope without SI and my nowledge that i'm 'ok' for this job - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
i want to feel, less bothered maybe, or less like it's all my fault - hurting myself will get me further from that, but will let me feel calmer - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
tbh i don't care how long the relief lasts at the moment, i just want relief - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
questions here, yoga in a little bit, i could go out tonight (i wouldn't drink muchbecasue corp vodka is NASTY) it'll all just be distractions though - this situation is so much out of my hands - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
i'll feel - i always say guilty but tbh i'm not really sure that i'd even care tomorrow. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
i want to get rid of the stress, i want someone to tell me that it's all going to wor out and to be able to believe them - except i can't becasue the only people that can do that can't say it to me. i want to be employed - why is that so sodding hard.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
6 weeks of unemployment, of waiting and waiting and being screwed around and now this, now another few weeks of nothingness, of being told i still can't be declared fit to work, and the longer it goes on the less likely i am to actually be fit to work i'm sliding fast. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
never here before, stressed and urgey yes, this situation - no - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
questions, posting, watched a film, had a snack - How do I feel right now?
tense and stressed - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
calm, relieved - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
--- - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
no - Do I need to hurt myself?
