Before...just barely

[Beasty]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I'll feel less anxious and back in control

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
Christ I don't know...I can't think straight...

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel like I did the best thing for me. I think it's taking me father away but I don't know if I'll end up worse off for letting myself stay in this state

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
Long enough for me to get tired and fall asleep

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could do my exercises (which I would do anyways) so it will stave it off a little but it would be miniscule

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I'll feel weak or I'll still feel like flying apart

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really want to....to be myself again to not shake to think to...i don't know how to honor this instinct! Xanax? I dont have any...



Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
A culmination of stress and hurt and loneliness and paranoia. I need to get back in control of myself

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I think I have but it was nowhere near this bad. I think I SI'd last time and it eased the feeling.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I have sung and tried to calm down to no avail. I can erm...eat some sorbet, smoke weed? No stupid idea. I won't waste it on a depressive period where no inner-revelations can possibly happen

How do I feel right now?
Breaking cracking losing control

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Numb maybe? Less like THIS

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I'll feel calmer. Tomorrow I'll be beating the crap out of myself mentally but it doesn't seem bad now

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
No unavoidable. It just hits WHAMthisfast. In the future? God I hope this never happens again but that is a fools hope

Do I need to hurt myself?
I'm pretty damn close to needing it




Aww crap aww crap this hasn't helped even a little like it usually does