7 weeks-cant hold out any longer

tools to help you assess your urges before you give in to them, and to help you understand and learn from slips after they happen. by posting here, you're saying that you are serious about exploring the feelings behind your self-harm in depth, whether you're ready to stop hurting yourself or not. to request posting access, click usergroups above and join before and after.

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2crazy
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7 weeks-cant hold out any longer

Post by 2crazy » Mon Sep 03, 2007 11:10 pm

so ive got 7 weeks si free. so what. my head is telling me its time again. i cant deal with life on lifes' terms anymore. the compulsion to cut is gnawing at me again. what will it do to my family? my kids will be scared, and my husband disappointed. they will wonder what they could have done differently for mom, since i was doing so well. how can i hide it, so i wont have to answer all the questions i know will be coming? why cant i just live life like a normal person, dealing with situations in a rational manner?

im beginning to hate myself already. havent even done anything yet, but i do know that nothing good will come of it, except that initial feeling of relief. followed by the long run of remorse.
deep dark thoughts make it hard to survive.
sometimes i bleed just to know im alive.
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Stripe
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Post by Stripe » Fri Sep 14, 2007 6:05 pm

Sorry this is a bit late. I am glad that you ahven't done anything yet, or hadn't when you posted that. Do you want to try the before questions? Do you think that'll help?
You have to quit for you, not someone else though.
Still, congrats on 7 weeks :)
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2crazy
creating your space
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7 weeks

Post by 2crazy » Sat Sep 15, 2007 12:08 am

you know what-its been 8 and a half weeks now since i last cut. im feeling pretty good about myself this past week. i thought about the consequences of my actions with my family and didnt want to hurt them again. thought about how my next si will be ever so deep, and what would that solve? it scares me to think about the next time. dont want to go there, at least not now. thanks for the comment accused.victim.

cindy
deep dark thoughts make it hard to survive.
sometimes i bleed just to know im alive.
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ChaseThisLight
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Post by ChaseThisLight » Sat Sep 15, 2007 2:36 am

Glad you've made it 8.5 weeks. That is something to be proud of. I hope you're able to maintain this perspective on SI. Take care.
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Cuz' you know, I don't do sadness

No one controls your destiny. Even at the very worst - there is always choice - Gregory Maguire Wicked

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2crazy
creating your space
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Joined: Fri Feb 23, 2007 3:02 am
Location: sunny southern california

7 weeks

Post by 2crazy » Mon Sep 17, 2007 10:07 pm

thanks notmardy for the encouragement. i go on these waves of emotion that are hard to deal with sometimes. i know 8.5 weeks is a good thing, havent had that much si free time in the last 4 years! i do believe God is stepping in when i cant handle it myself . just need to remember whats important for me in life-my husband, family and my job. and im trying not to feel sorry for myself when trying to handle difficult situations. thats when the thought of cutting comes in. and i do know i have to do this for me, just have to start liking myself more. thanks.

cindy
deep dark thoughts make it hard to survive.
sometimes i bleed just to know im alive.
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