Before

[leemc77]

How will this situation or feeling change if I hurt myself?
-Honestly, it won't - I just feel I deserve it because I'm a failure and a disappointment to myself and others

What will hurting myself bring to the situation? What will it take away from the situation?
-Pain and relief

How do I want to feel about this in the long run? Is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
-About the same

If hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? What will I do then?
-For awhile
-Then I'll freak out - hopefully calm down enough to sit and read

What is something I could do now instead of hurting myself? How will it change the situation I'm in? How long will that change last, and what will I do then?
-I know the drill, I've got my coping workbook that I received during one of my IP stays - nothing is working
-Read
-Cry

How will I feel tomorrow if I hurt myself? How will I feel tomorrow if I do the other thing I came up with?
-I think I will feel that my actions were justifiable
-I will be disappointed in myself
-I know the pain and suffering will still be there tomorrow with or without harming

What do I really want to do right now? How can I best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
-I want to sleep
-I want to read
-I want these horrible thoughts/flashbacks to go away
-I want to be healthy
-I don't want to think about going back to work

Urges aren't necessarily the enemy. They happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. Remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
-I'm sick - They don't know what is wrong with me - maybe I'm crazy
-Having flashbacks about watching my father die
-Thinking about going back to my horrible working situation
-My mother hates me, my sister doesn't care about me, my brother is away and I can't talk to him
-Distract me from the pain I'm having from being sick
-Terribly anxious and paranoid

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
-Yes - I hurt myself
-I felt like I deserved it

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
-Sleep, rock, pace, tried to read, tried watcing TV, messing around on the computer, trying the strategies in my Coping Workbook
-I don't know...I'm about out of ideas

How do I feel right now?
-Words can not explain the sadness, grief, remorse, self-hatred, depression,....that I feel right now

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
-It will make my feel better - I'd rather make myself feel pain then others making me feel terrible

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
-I will still be sad, but I deserve the pain - I blame myself, I can't do anythings right according to certain people, and I will prove that to them
-I will be upset, but feel that my actions were justifiable

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
-Be healthy
-Get a transfer to another school (which doesn't look good)
-Move
-Get my mother out of my life

Do I need to hurt myself?
-I think so....but I don't want to. Why can't I throw the blades away???

Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.

[LBC]

Hi leemc77

I'm glad that you felt you could come here and post. It sounds like you are trying really hard to fight this urge, and that you're trying a lot of different distractions. If you want some ideas for more distractions, there's a big list in Sourcebook.

You're struggling with some issues that are difficult to change overnight...but not impossible. Do you have the help of a therapist or social worker?

Can you think of one step to take tomorrow that's in the direction of reducing the stressors you identified? Just one step. It doesn't have to be big, it just has to be a step.

You may feel that you're sick right now - but no one has pronounced you incurable. Try and hold onto that.