Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
i'll feel calmer, the urge will have disappeared, i feel less angry, less anxious. i will have punished myself. the situation will not change. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
it will bring with it the feelings of guilt & failure. it'll take away the urges again for a bit. some of the pain. the anger. the panic. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
i want to feel like i don't need to turn to this method of coping when things get too bad. i want to feel like it doesn't have to be this way. SI'ing will obviously get me further and further away from this. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
the next few hours at least, it is all i want right now. until i need to talk to people again and the guilt and failure emotions will come drifting back, and all i will want to do, is do it again. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
distractions, distractions. distractions. hide my tools. sleep. watch a film. listen to music. i would do this until the urges had surpassed. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
if i hurt myself i will feel more guilt. more failure. i will have broken a promise. if i distract myself, i will feel like i haven't punished myself. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
i want to SI. i need to feel it. i need to punish myself.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
i have resorted back to old habits again. i'm terrified, panicky and emotional. i can't cope and i just can't find a way to make it all disappear. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
i have been here many times before and each time, i've tried to distract myself awy from the thoughts, emotions and feelings. i felt the urges still, but they weren't as bad as they had been previously. - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
answered these questions. hidden my tool. put a film on. - How do I feel right now?
panicky, angry, terrified, emotional, out of control, very on edge - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
less panicky, less angry, calmer, in control, like i deserved it. - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
after i will a sense of relief, a bit calmer, like i deserved it and had punished myself. tomorrow i will feel full of guilt about breaking a promise and like a failure. - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i can avoid it, because i have in the past and i can try to deal with things better. - Do I need to hurt myself?
no, but it doesn't stop me wanting to.
Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.
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