i'll be hiding again, but i'll be calm
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
it will take away the tension, but i'll be scared. it will make this a bad experience, which it was never meant to be.
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
i want to feel that i had a good time and got to hang out with my friends and family like i wanted. cutting will make me feel so much farther away from that.
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
maybe five minutes, maybe the whole day.
i'll have to do it again.
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
i could call my friends, but i don't want to talk irl. i could doodle or write, but i'd still be trigger-happy.
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
scared. for both.
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
i really want something familiar. there's nothing familiar here.
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
i just miss it. terribly. i thought maybe it would help me sleep, like it used to, and now i can't get it out of my head.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
no.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
i don't know . . . i don't have anything else that i want as badly.
How do I feel right now?
anxious, tense
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
relieved, comforted
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
disappointed in myself
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i won't be here in this same place in the future, i'll be around people who know and look out for me.
Do I need to hurt myself?
oh my god i wish i could with no strings attached.
i really unbearably want it.
it feels like a need, but i know it's not.
) and slept.