After...

[vampire_kisses]

Questions to Answer After A Slip
slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.


* have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
yes, I have.
* what had happened just before?
My mom was treating me like Shit

* what were you thinking and feeling?
Like she had no right to critisize me because she doesn't even know who I am, really. She doesn't know what my life is like, and I just wanted to finish stuffing my face and get the hell out of there.
* why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
Because I was hurting then...and I didn't mean to do what I did. It was more of a mistake really....
* how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
Last night (this morning) my mom woke me up at 4am to yell at me. I tried to go back to bed so she made me open the door so she could yell at me. Then i tried going back to bed, and she yelled to turn off the light, and that she was going to take my light bulbs. Then all day today I hid in my room because my dad was yelling at me. When my mom got home, she was sleeping, left to take my brother over a friend's house, and when she came back she kept yelling. What other choice could I have made?
I really didn't make any choices seeing as I haven't spoken a single word to anyone all day, and didn't do anything but listen to them yell, and curl up in my blanket....

* were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
No. I've never been on anything my entire life. Aside from a very light pina colada here, and a malta there, I've never even had any alchohal. I don't take meds
* what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work? Laying down and pretending that outside of these four walls nothing exists....it didn't work.

* in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
No, not reall....

* name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again. What other coping methods? When you're stuck in your room, and outside there's only
people yelling at you through the door, and there's absolutley nothing at all except for a razor laying at your side...things happen.

* how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
Its not resolved, there's nothing I can do. My parents are still assholes that don't give a crap and they always will be.
* are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation? Of course.
It's summer.
I can't go anywhere without asking for permission,
I can't ask for permission without seeing their faces,
I can't see their faces without getting yelled at.

* what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
There's absolutely nothing I can do. I can
1. Wrap myself in my blanket and shut out the world...FAILED
2. grab my dogs and hold them tight....FAILED
3. distract myself online....FAILED




About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.


* What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?I was hurting, and I wanted the hurt to go away.

* Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking? Option 1. Go to my room.
2. Stay in the kitchen and get yelled at some more, then eventually go to my room, and be in an even WORSE mood. Hm...what shall I chose?

* What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge? I would have waited until I got a chance to go to my room.

* If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased? Increase. I've noticed that when I can't find my razor I have this insane urge, and when I find it, the urge goes down immedeatly if no even took place beforehand. I tried the rubber band during school hours, and used it like 2x all week, and when I forgot it, I ended up pinching myself to no end all day long.
* What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling? All of those.

* If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel? Pissed. Urge would escalate, and I'd end up doing it anyway.

---other---I didnt really mean to this time. That's what really pisses me off. I went to my room, and instead of attacking my thighs, like I normally do, I lightly traced the many lines I'd like to make on my arm (I've only cut 1x on my arm, and only one cut.) thinking it would help with the urge, but its a new tool, and its sharper than I thought. My arm was clean at first, a few minutes later I was bleeding...

[/i]

[LBC]

Hi Silently_falling...

Do you have a history of dissociation? I ask because you mentionned that you don't remember actually cutting yourself...if this is the first time that sort of thing has happened, it's something you may want to discuss with a doctor or therapist.

If it's something that you do struggle with...has anyone ever talked to you about grounding techniques that you can use when you find yourself approaching that state of mind?

And if your room is often where you end up after upseting encounters with your parents (and I'm sorry that's going on, by the way...it sounds very stressful), is there somewhere else that you could put your tool so that it's at least out of your sight (preferably out of your room) and not just lying there when you're upset?

I hope you're doing a bit better now. Take gentle care.

[vampire_kisses]

I do remember cutting. But I didn't mean to cut. I was trying to avoid, or delay cutting by tracing where I wanted to cut, but my tool was sharper than I thought, and I ended up cutting, but it didn't bleed at first. My arm didn't have a single scratch at first, so I didn't notice I broke the skin until a few minutes later.
Actually I've never disassociated.
and I can't keep my tool anywhere else, there's no where i could keep it. since my parents are using the living room as a bedroom, my house is composed of four bedrooms a bathroom and a kitchen, nothing else. There's nowhere I could keep it.