Before (1st post - don't know if I'm doing this right)

[leemc77]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
-It won't - maybe the thoughts will go away for awhile

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
-More pain which I feel I deserve
-temporarily

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
-I don't want to SI, I know it will hurt my recovery

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
-Short term pain, long time scars; I will be embarassed and feel worthless

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
-trying to IM a friend, try to read, get out of the house
-don't know - it's hard to focus when I'm like this and I don't feel safe driving

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
-I will feel the same as always - a complete and utter failure.
-I will feel a small bit proud of myself

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
-I want to be safe
-IDK - I don't understand the second question


urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

____________________________________________________________

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
-I am under a lot of stress (both work and personal)
-Very apprehensive about seeing a new Therapist tomorrow, I truly clicked with my old one and feel like I'm mourning another loss - everyone leaves
-My boss hates me and treats me poorly - I feel inadequate at my job
-Looking for a new job for next year with no results
-Why is my brother ignoring me?

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
-Yes - many times
-Yes, I've been safe and I haven't
-Tried to look through my Coping Packet from an IP stay
-Mixed feelings - not all things work

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
-trying to chat with a friend
-trying to distract myself with thinking through the process of why I want to do this to myself

How do I feel right now?
-depressed, lonely, urgy, stressed

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
-relieved, but then the cycle will begin

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
-relieved
-disappointed in myself

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
-Nothing at the moment - I just can't handle stress. I need to learn better coping strategies

Do I need to hurt myself?
IDK...

[tattybluetrees]

Hello Lee. It's quite late for me and I'm just off to bed, but I wanted you to know that I've read. If it's alright with you I'll come back and post a proper reply tomorrow when I am more coherent.

I hope you are okay. Take good care of yourself.

tatty

[mallie]

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
-I want to be safe
-IDK - I don't understand the second question

Because most people use self injury as a way to feel better or to cope, usually if people want to SI, they are wanting to look after needs. What can you do to look after yourself, and meet your needs ?

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? -I am under a lot of stress (both work and personal)
-Very apprehensive about seeing a new Therapist tomorrow, I truly clicked with my old one and feel like I'm mourning another loss - everyone leaves
-My boss hates me and treats me poorly - I feel inadequate at my job
-Looking for a new job for next year with no results
-Why is my brother ignoring me?

That does sound like a lot of stress.

Is there any way you can try and lessen some of those stressors?

[tattybluetrees]

Hi lee- it's morning for me now soo I tthought I would come back and post more constructively if that's okay with you.

My first question would be- why do you feel that you deserve more pain? This is a really difficult issue for a lot of us, so don't feel that you have to answer it, but it might be something worth exploring in a bit more depth.

To look at it another way- lots of people on BUS express a similar feeling- so you think that they deserve the pain they are feeling as well? If not, what makes them different? And what stops you showing the same compassion to yourself as you do to others?

Acknowledging that you will feel proud of yourself if your alternative strategies work is great- can you try and hold on to that while the urges get really bad? You also say that you know that SI will ultinately make you feel worse- personally, I have found that that isn't a particularly useful thought when I am in the middle of an urge because I don't care all that much, whereas knowing how good I will feel if I resist sometimes (not always- I doubt anything works all teh time) gets me through.

The question about honouring the self-protective instinct- basically, that's saying that self-harm is a way of protecting yourself from something- from pain, or from anxiety, or from things you feel will happen if you don't SI. That self-protective instinct is really great, and it's important to hold onto that- is there any way other than self-harm that you can do what your mind is telling you to do, which is to stay protected or get out of danger? Is there somewhere you feel safe? Is there something you could hold in your hand- maybe something which someone you love has given you- which would make you feel like you were stronger?

Changing therapists is awful- I'm going through a similar thing at the moment and it is making me feel completely wretched, so you have my sympathy. Could you try and be gentle with yourself for the time being? Acknowledge that things are very hard for you and say that it is okay for yourself to need lots of rest and care, and to feel sad?

You say that everyone leaves you- that's a completely understandable thing to feel if you have had people leave you in the past and if your therapist is leaving you now. But do you think your emotions might be colouring the way you see things? It sounds to me like very black and white thinking- by which I mean either/or- everyone leaves you or everyone stays, nothing in the middle. Some people do leave, and that's one of the very hard and sad things about being alive- but lots of people don't leave. Can you think of people who have stayed with you for a significnt period of time- friends, relatives (if you have any- I personally don't count relatives when I do this ), therapists, teachers- even pets. Can you see that just because you feel very abandoned at the moment (which is a valid and very understandable way to be feeling) doesn't mean that everyone in the world will always leave you? It's alright to say "no, shut up" to me right now. It's the kind of thing I say when I people try and throw logic at me.

Acknowledging that you need to learn more coping strategies is great. Do you ever go on the coping board? Maybe you could start a thread for yourself there to try and collect things that work, or to commit to practicing certain things you like the sound of?

In answer to your thread title- an absolutely perfect example of a b&a post, I think

I hope you are okay with what I have written here. If there is anything you don't like, PM me and I will edit for you.

Take care.

Tatty