After. *sigh*

[StevieLynn]

Questions to Answer After A Slip
slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
  
  Done and done.
• what had happened just before?
  
  I had been panicking, though why I had been panicking I am still workin on.
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  
  I was panicking and wanted it to stop. I was feeling very uncomfortable.
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  
  There was no final straw. I think things just built one upon the other until I couldn't handle my emotions anymore.
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  
  I could have opted not to spend the afternoon with my mother and her husband. That would have been an avoided stressor.
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  
  I took some percoset to calm down my panicking. I didn't OD, I only took one. But I shouldn't have. It's a painkiller, not an antianxiety.
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work? I tried taking percoset to calm down. I talked to some friends. I've made jewelry from beads. I'm watching TV.
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  
  I didn't read my Bible, I could have done that.
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution? The panic seems mostly resolved, but the situation that let to the panic hasn't been.
  
  
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  
  Yes, but I still don't know how to handle it.
  
  
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

1. Make a necklace for a friend
2. Pray
3. play with clay to make beads

[tattybluetrees]

Hi Stevie. I hope it's okay for me to reply.

I'm sorry you ended up hurting yourself. I'm assuming that your before and after posts are part of the same incident? Please correct me if that's wrong.

It sounds like you had a tough day. I know that certainly for me the absolute biggest trigger is family stuff- it's so emotive, and brings up so many things in my head. I suppose family tend to be connected to every bit of your life, and that makes it very hard to see them and stay somehow "outside" the situation.

The thing which I got from your posts is that you seem (and I could be wrong) to be overwhelmed by things so that you can't quite see where the problems are and what to do. I don't kknow if that's quite right? I suppose I always find for myself that if I can divide situations onto a list of problems, some of whcih are immediate, some of which are long term, then I find it helps me think of solutions, whereas if I just look at the whole thing in one go I get panicked by the big MESS I can see. For example, it seems to me that part of the problems you had stemmed from panic, which I would put under the heading "immediate". You say that you tried to distract, which is great, but I know that I find panic is a bit too powerful for distraction a lot of the time, and I need to actually deal with it using specific strategies- like breathing exercises, self-soothing techniques, that sort of thing- I wondered if it might be something you could research a bit and maybe find some techniques which you think you could work with? The important thing about panicing is that you don't need to know why you are doing it in order to deal with it. It's a physical thing and if you deal with it on that level then it becomes something which you can cope with. That's what I find, anyway.

The other thing you are talking about is your mum and her husband. I wwould put that under "long-term". I don't know what the situation is for you there, but it sounds like there is a lot of difficulty there. I suppose what I am saying really is that it's probably something which is too complicated and overwhelming to deal with on any one occasion, particularly when you are panicking. Is it something you could think about when you are calmer? Assuming that you will have to see them again and so be in this sitution again, could you spend some time thinking about it when it isn't immediate, and planning for how you will deal with it next time? WOuld it have helped, for example, to sneak out for a little while and phone someone half way through? I am a great believer in the half-time moan as a strategy for getting through difficult sitations.

Sorry. This is a long and slightly confused post. Feel free to ignore as much of it as you like! Take care of yourself, and I hope things get easier for you.


tatty

[StevieLynn]

Thanks for your response, Tatty. Yes, you are correct in assuming that the B&A posts are the same incident. I usually find posting "Before" is helpful enough to get me thinking and realizing that SI should not be an option. Apparently that wasn't the case this time, so I figured I'd do and "After" to work on it for next time.

You're right, I am overwhelmed and am not quite sure how to handle it, though I'm feeling better about it this morning. My family is a class act.

I do have strategies for dealing with my panic, it is not an infrequent occurrence. I wasn't, however, in a full blown panic attack, which is what most of my strategies are for, and I was desperate not to get there, hence where the SI comes in. But I like the idea of trying to break up the situation. I will try that next time, perhaps that will keep it from being quite so overwhelming.

I also think I need to work a little more on the "calming down" and less on the "why am I panicking" as the latter just gets me more worked up and more likely to SI.

Thanks again, Tatty. I have some new things to work on now.

Love,
Stevie

[LBC]

I also think I need to work a little more on the "calming down" and less on the "why am I panicking" as the latter just gets me more worked up and more likely to SI.

I think you've hit on something there.

Here's an analogy...not perfect, but hopefully it will do. I have a seizure disorder...and when I feel a seizure coming on, if I can manage to lie down and make myself get very calm, sometimes it will go away. But if I get all panicky and start thinking about how I'm about to have a seizure and how scary that is...it's almost guaranteed that I'll have one.

Just thoughts.

I think you're doing a great job working with your urges and learning from your slips, by the way.

[dncn4lyfe77]

ditto for laying down and calming.


Sometimes, ik it sounds kooky, but i learned it from DBT,

Breathe in and think of the emotion you want, and breath out and think of the emotion you want to get rid of.


deep breathes of course


<3 sare

[StevieLynn]

dncn4lyfe, that sounds like something I'll have to try. Thank you.

LBC, that's a great analogy. I also need to thank you for all your advice and encouragement. It feels good to know that someone knows that I am working hard and thinks I am doing a good job working and learning. Thanks.

Love,
Stevie