An After post

[red velvet]

have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.

didn't have any

what had happened just before?

I was fighting with my husband and he wasn't hearing me, plus I realized it was mostly my fault, and he was threatening to leave me, telling me he only stayed with me because of our son.

what were you thinking and feeling?

I was thinking I was a failure, how can I keep making stupid mistakes, why is he overreacting to this situation, and it isn't fair that I forgive him for stuff but he can't forgive me. I was feeling physically trapped, like if I could just step out of the house for a few minutes, I'd be ok.

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?

I can't remember what the thing he said that triggered it, but it brought up overwhelming anxious body feelings, felt like I was going to explode. Then I said to myself, "I know hitting something will make me feel better, why don't I just do that". It was a conscious choice, and I shouldn't have listened to it.

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.

I know exactly when I made the decision to do it. I went upstairs (he was downstairs) and said to myself, I should just do it so I can get rid of these overwhelming feelings. And then I did.

were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?

lack of sleep, lots of stress.

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?

I didn't try any

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?

I should have just gone outside, gone for a walk or something, but it was like 1am and my 9 month old was sleeping. I could have called someone, which is what I eneded up doing later.

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.

I don't know

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?

It is certainly possible. I'm not sure. I have to remind myself somehow as I start escalating, that it will result in si urges, and that I need cope with the anxious feelings in another way. I guess make a plan for coping with the anxiety before it becomes overwhelming.

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

Take a walk
Call someone
Sit down and focus on my breathing

Wow, that was really helpful, thank you

[Proximity]

I know that getting in a fight with someone important in my life has always been something that makes me feel really out of control of my life, not to mention hurt/angry/etc.

It sounds like the argument you were having with your husband had reached the point where it was only destructive, and not getting anyone any closer to resolving issues, or improving the situation.

I don't know what your relationship with your husband is like, but could you find a way for both of you to back off before an argument gets to this point? If it's not something he would work with you on, can you find a way of backing away from the argument when it's left any pretence of being constructive far, far behind?

Did you try just leaving the argument, like you said you wanted to, and stepping outside, or was this impossible?


I can understand just knowing what you want to do, and what will make you feel better, and going and doing it. It seems like such a simple thing, and trying NOT to do it is so hard. It's a much easier choice to make.
Maybe you can try to put some time between those two? Even just getting yourself to wait five minutes, and breathe, knowing that you can always just go hit something afterwards if it doesn't work might be helpful.

Can you think of some other ways to cool down besides going outside for a walk, if it's late at night and that's not really possible? Is there another way that you can find that same feeling that doesnt' involve wandering the neighborhood at 1am?

It sounds like a bit component of this situation was the anger and hurt that comes from being in an argument. I agree with your ideas for things to try if you are in a similar situation agian

Take care,

prox.
[etc.]