before...

[zombiepeople]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will feel better and more relaxed about what went on today.


what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring relief and pleasure, and it will take away the bad feelings that I have as of right now.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel better about this, but hurting myself will only delay the feelings, but that is what I want right now anyway.


if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
The relief will last a few days until the wound begins to heal and the guilt and self-hatrid for my actions kicks in.


what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could obsessivly sort colored seed beads liek I've been doing for the past couple of days to avoid hurting myself.


how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I may feel bad tomorrow as I know I've let everyone down, but if I sort beads however, the wanting to hurt myself will not ever go away.


what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
Well I really want to cut and I should pay homage to the fact that this instinct wants to keep me alive, but there are other less stupid things that I could to instead of hurt myself and then get mad at myself for hurting myself.



Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? I was in group therapy today for people who have been sexually abused and I went into detail about my story and heard the other people's story and I got really upset I guess about it.


Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I've been here pleanty of times before, I dealt with it by cutting/burning/cough syrup or inhalents. I felt better then, though really sick with inhalents, so I've never done that again.


What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I have done nothing to ease the discomfort. I can sort beads or call someone or...uh...meditate maybe


How do I feel right now?
terrible, urgy, sick, pissed off, depressed, paranoid, dreading the future and hating the present and sickened by the past


How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
relaxed loving the pain and the blood


How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning? I might be pissed off at myself tomorrow, but after I will feel better.


Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Oh I can deal with it better and I know I chould, but I can't think of anything I can do that would make me feel as good as cutting.


Do I need to hurt myself?
That is something I will decide spur of the moment, so for now I can not say. I really hope I don't but then I never know.