size=18]More Before Questions To Answer[/size]
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I feel very unappreciated, and not loved. I went to the mall today with the intention of hanging out with my friend jimmy and my boyfriend alex who I haven't seen in a week. When I get to the mall, Alex is in the Apple store looking at stuff on the computer.
I hug him and get barely a response, just a quick peck on the lips then hes like "you're still sick, get away from me" and I told him yeah well I've been on antibiotics for 2 days now ( i have strep) so I'm not contagious, and hes like "I don't care, get away from me".
So I left with my friend jimmy and we went walking around, did alex come find me? Nooooo. Mind you he hasnt called me the past 3 days either. Well he called once, asking me for 10 dollars and when I said I didnt have 10 dollars then he was like ok whatever, I love you bye.
And so I hung out with Jimmy till it was time to leave the mall. Alex was hanging out with 2 girls mind you. Both ex girfriends, so I was pretty pissed off and hurt at that point.
To add insult to injury, when we left the mall he said he was going to this game place with jimmy and wasn't going to hang out with me ( I couldn't go cuz it was 30 min away and I had someone to pick up about an hr and a half from then) and I was like oh well I was hoping to hang out with you today... and hes like "now ur mad" and i was like "no Im just upset" which was true. He went anyway...and didn't even apologize.
and I cried all the way home.
wow sry that was mega long
- Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then? Yeah, and I dealt with it by cutting, and crying, and cutting some more. I felt pretty good after, but I still had that deep gut wrenching alone feeling
- What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've cried, thats about it. I could hold an ice cube really tight, I could take a hot bath maybe. My sister and her friends are going bowling at 11 so I could go with them cuz they invited me. I don't wanna go but it might be best that I do idk.
- How do I feel right now?
Really shitty, unloved, unappreciated, taken advantage of, taken for granted, alone.
- How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Numb, immune to the emotional pain, it will be a release from it all.
- How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning? Ill feel good after I hurt myself but ill feel really bad tomorrow when I realize that I was 2 and a half hrs from hitting the 1 month mark
- Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I guess I could try to just blow it off, but it really hurts. And I'm really sensitive to that kind of stuff cuz I've had guys treat me really bad in the past and take advantage of me so when any little thing goes wrong it hits me really hard
- Do I need to hurt myself?
Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
Ill feel numb instead of hurting and feeling like my insides are being pulled out of me.
- what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
I'll feel better initially. If my boyfriend finds out I cut, he will think its his fault, and he'll be very frustrated with me for doing it again, and thats not going to help n e thing, specially cuz he apparently is having issues with me at the moment
- how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I just want to feel safe in this relationship, I don't want to feel like I'm being used. I just want to feel loved, and wanted, and not taken for granted or taken advantage of.
- if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
The relief will last till I go to sleep. Then Ill wake up tomorrow and feel mad shitty. Then idk what I'll do
- what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could try the ice cube thing. I just want something that will really hurt.
- how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Ill feel like crap if I hurt myself. Ill feel better tomorrow a lil bit if I do the other thing. Either way its not gonna change the problem.
- what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
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