After

[abbyfornow]

Questions to Answer After A Slip

* have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.

Yes, only small cut, used Bactine

* what had happened just before?

Been feeling very anxious. Many hurtful memories came back into my mind from childhood.

* what were you thinking and feeling?

Anxiety, fear, saddness.

* why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?

Just these memories, Si I to focus on that pain instead.

* were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?

No

* what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?

Talking online. Taking my dog to the park. Driving around to find a new home (this actually sent my anxiety trigger into effect even more.), Journaled. Researched online for houses.

* in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?

Painting

* how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?

Talking to my counselor on Monday

* are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?

Right now just ignoring feelings and concentrating on other things. Set those memories aside for a bit. Consequently, until I talk to my friend or my counselor they are likely to spring forth again. Kind of still want to SI at this moment.

* what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

Painting
Talking to a Friend
Leaving the house- drive around town



About Opportunities to SI

* What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?

I knew it would bring new pain I could control and know how to specifically deal with. I knew it would distract me from the other pain.

* Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?

Made the opportunity

* If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?

Always seems like there is an opporunity. I can do one method even when someone is in the room.

* What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?

Overwhelming feelings. Desire to leave a situation

[Smeagol]

Hi abby

Is there anything you can do to ground yourself in the present when you get these bad memories?

I suggest it because it sounds like the bad memories aroused old anxieties and fears, even though they were past. That's very natural, but I wondered whether doing breathing exercises or describing what's happening in the present might help reassure you that you *are* in the present and taht situation is not going to happen now. Some of the mediation stuff described in http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=82877 might help (I'll see if I can find something more specific).

Another alternative might be to try and lsit how things are different now? Say the memories are from when you were a child and you were powerless, you could repeat to yourself "I am an adult. I am in control. Person x isn't here." Or whatever?

I'm suggesting this kind of thing because I@m never a fan of trying to ignore feelings. At least for me,t hey come and bite me on the butt. But sometimes now also isn't a good time to process it, like if you've got a hard memory. So I was wondering if there was some way you could recognise teh feelings but get them to go away temporarily.

[abbyfornow]

(Just want you to know that I am not ignoring your questions. Working on processing the answers to your them.)

It is not so much the memories that trigger me to SI as much as the feelings they gather up. When I choose to SI it is in order to concentrate on a pain I can deal with and a pain I had control in creating.

Journaling does help me to get temporary relief somewhat. Yet, othertimes it does not help at all. Will discuss relaxing exercises also with my counselor. Going to counseling tomorrow and will also share with her these memories that are coming back. I journaled much this weekend and will be glad to express them to someone.

Thank you for your ideas and for posting back... its much appreciated!