after

[sockr28]

this is the first time that i have ever done an after thread. lets see how it goes.


* have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.

yes, i have bandaged it, i am normally pretty good with this!

* what had happened just before?

i have felt like shit all week, really SI and SU. Felt worthless and that my life meant nothing.

* what were you thinking and feeling?

i felt hopeless. that nothing could help. alcohol didnt "release" the feelings that i had, and was afraid that i would do something worse, so decided to SI.

* why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?

have been thinking about it for a while, but tried to prevent myself. have been feeling realing down. drank a lot tonight, and that is always a trigger for me.

* how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.

i dont know. i have felt worthless. the one thing that consumes my life i failed at. if i cant do that, what can i do? i am worthless. why even try? it doesnt matter. felt that this was better than SU.

* were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?

alcohol. i know that this is a trigger for me, and i NEED to get help for it, but i was hoping that it would ack as a release for me for other reasons.

* what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?

i went out with a friend. didnt help. all i could think of was SI. tried to make myself busy with work, music, etc....didnt work. i need better coping mechanisms!

* in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?

no, but i need some!

* name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.

again, i need to learn some better COPING MECHANISMS and not just distractions..i dont have any besides alcohol and that only makes things worse!

* how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?

i feel a little better, but i still feel like a failure, worthless. it will probably take some time. i dont know what to do. maybe something that makes me feel better, like helping someone!

* are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?

probably sometime soon, especially over the holidays. it is always a rough time. i dont get a long well with my family.

* what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

i dont know...calling someone, leaving the situation, and writing out my feelings.


* Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?

probably the fact that i was drinking made it worse.

* What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?

i dont know, have been fighting it for a few days and i finally gave in!

* If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?

it probably would have increased. i keep on thinking about it. no matter where i am i think about getting home and cutting.

* What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?

does all of the above count? i think about what i will do when i am alone in my bedroom with my tools, especially with my feelings.

* If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?

i would feel out of control. i wouldnt know how to feal with it.

* Did I identify what feelings were leading me to want to SI?

worthlessness and self hate

* What coping skills did I use to deal with these feelings?

again, this is my problem, i dont have any good ones..all i know is alochol.

* Were these coping skills the most effective I could have used?


obviously not. it only led to worse SI.

* How can I deal with these feelings more effectively next time, before the urge to SI sets in?

that is what i need to work on. maybe talk to my T about it, but i havent brought up the cutting to her.


i just dont know what to do!!

[tattybluetrees]

Hi. I hoope you don't mind me replying, and I'm sorry I haven't done so sooner.

Have you been and had a read through everything the coping board? You keep saying that you need more coping mechanisms. and that seems to be like the best place to start. I think also you should be a little easy on yourself. New coping mechanisms take a long time to learn, and even longer to replace one which we know works so well for us. The fact that you are aware of SI as a coping mechanism and that you are trying to put other ones in it's place means that you have started trying to replace it and that has to be good, right?

Also, you say that you tried other things and held off from hurting yourself for a while. To me, it sounds like you DID manage to cope & distract for a little while, even if you couldn't do it indefinately. Maybe next time it can be a bit longer.

I'd be really careful about regarding alcohol as a means of coping with or distracting from thoughts of SI. I don't just mean for the obvious reasons, like alcohol itself is a potentially damaging thing, but because it really does make SI more likely, iin my experience. Alcohol decreases impulse control, which is something you really don't need when you are trying not to act on an impulse.

I'm not trying to lecture you, or say that you should stop drinking, and you probably know all this anyway, but I suppose what I am trying to say is that it might be worth thinking about whether alcohol as a coping strategy actually helps you cope or makes it hard to cope and more likely to SI.

It sounds like you are struggling with some hard things. Have you thought about getting one of the cognitive type books on coping with depression from the library or something? Some of them contain some good coping strategies, and also good suggestions for dealing with intrusive thoughts (about SI, for example) and thoughts about being worthless.

I hope things get easier for you soon.

Take care.

Tatty