Before -(first time)

[Kabluey]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
it will release the stress that I'm feeling, and the inability to cope with everyday things.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
it will bring satisfaction, and also more problems. It will take away my control and emotions for a little while.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel not so dependant on si, obviously hurting myself will take me further away.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
it depends how stressed I am, maybe a day... others maybe a few hours.
then I'll try distract myself all that I can as the urges wont be so bad.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could watch a movie, read a book, or distract myself on the net... the longest distraction that'll give me will be about 2 hours.
Then I'm not sure what I'll do.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I will be in pain, and probably guilt... and feel bad for letting my mother down.
If I done the other things, I will be proud and able to add another day onto my si free days, without adding another slip... and I will feel no guilt, although the urges will get stronger.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?


Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Stress, and frustration.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
ive been in this situation before yes, and I done some excersize... it made me feel better, but not as long.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Distract myself with other things, such as the computer, a movie...

How do I feel right now?
Awful.

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Awful, but relieved.

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Even more awful.

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?


Do I need to hurt myself?
Yes and no... it depends how strong I am to resist the urges to su.

[Smeagol]

Hi
I'm sorryyou were feeling so bad. Please please get irl help if you want to kill yourself. It matters.

I don't know whether you remember silverdragonfly, but I remember reading her talking about one of the hardest things for her to learn was that nothing was as effective as self-injury for her. That it was a question of doing lots of little things which would help her feel incrementally better, rather than a quick-fix (which self-injury can be, minus the feelings about it afterwards).

that really sprung to mind for me when you said in the past you'd exercised but it didn't help as much. I think exercising is a really good idea, and I guess what I'd say is that even if it's not as effective as self-injury, that doesn't mean it isn't worth doing. Feeling better for a little while is still good, and it's something you can build on. For example if you feel better just after exercising, maybe that would be enough to get you to do something else you enjoy, and then you'd enjoy that, and so on. And even if it doesn't, it's still 30 mins or so wher eyou're not feeling so bad.

The other thought that occurred to me, was that you don't say much about why you're stressed, and I wondered whether it was posisble foryou to do something about the feeling underlying it, rather than just distracting yourself from urges. Why were you frustrated, for example?

Take care

Gwylan