After

[Abba's Girl]

have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. Taken care of


what had happened just before?
I was helping pack shoe boxes with my campus ministry. The guys were really annoying - picking but becoming vicious with it, especially at me and the other girls. I asked them to stop several times, and they didn't. They were throwing balls around and several of them hit me where I was sore from previous SI. I didn't tell them that, but kept getting upset and frustrated.


what were you thinking and feeling? Angry, frustrated, ignored, edgy


why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
Feeling so ignored and purposely targeted was the final straw. I had wanted to SI before I went but went and helped instead. I was fine until all of the mess started happening. I actually was SIing during the packing, in a way that most of them would never have noticed. The worst was when I came back to my room (which is in the same building as the ministry) and saw my tool - I couldn't stop at that point.


how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
I could have/should have left a little earlier when I started getting ignored and frustrated. I could have asked my roommate to step aside and talk with me away from the group. I could have gone for a walk or called someone outside of the building instead of coming right back to my room.

were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how? Just a lot of stress right now - mostly other people's stuff that they have confided in me, and I now worry about.

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work? Nothing - I gave in without trying

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they? Going to our chapel, playing the piano, taking a walk, talking to someone

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
- Put them on note cards and stick them in my pocket
- Tell one of my friends who is at most events to try to help me notice when I'm edgy and to get me out of the situation before I get to a point of SI.

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution? I'm still angry and upset. Part of it is me needing to remember that these guys are very playful - and probably didn't mean to hurt me. Part of it is needing to tell them that when I ask them to stop - I mean it, I need them to stop. I probably should talk to some of them to discuss the matter, without going into specifics.

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Yes, If I am getting frustrated, or feel like I'm talking to a brick wall - I'll know that it's just these guys being themselves, and I need to get away.

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
- Talking to someone
- Going to the chapel or prayer garden to pray
- Taking a walk

Comments/Advice/Hugs welcome, Straight talk is especially welcome

[tattybluetrees]

Hi-

I'm afraid I don't have anything particularly helpful to say. Your post sounded like you've really thought this through, and all your suggestions seemed to me to be really helpful- I particularly liked the idea of writing things on notecards and keeping them in your pockets (might steal that one...).

I don't think yu should be too hard on yourself- you say that you didn't try anything else to cope, but you also say that you had been feeling urgey before and hadn't acted on it, and that going to help was a way of dealing with it- so in fact you did try other things, and it sounds like if these people hadn't been getting at you it might have worked.

I would say that, however much they might think it's just a bit of fun, you need to make it clear to them that enough is enough, and they need to respect that. I have quite an irreverent relationship with some of my close friends and it's caused similar problems in the past. I think iit's something you need to deal with before it happens, rather than waiting until you are already upset. Is there one of them you could talk to aalone and just say that sometimes you find it difficult? That way you have someone on your side who could maybe stand up for you and reinforce you when you say you've had enough.

Take care.

Tatty

[Abba's Girl]

Thank you for your response. I am planning to talk to my campus ministers wife tonight after Bible study about everything. I think I'm going to bring this up and see if there is someone she thinks we could talk to out of that group and that would be sensitive, but would stand up for me. I have one in mind - but I don't know how much I really want to tell any of my peers right now. So maybe she can help me relay the message without having to give too much information.

Thanks again - today has been a bit better.