Before....

[myshelle]

-How will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I'll feel better because I know cutting works for me.


-What will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
Anxiety, feeling hurt.

-How do i want to feel about this in the long run? Is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
Ashamed. Closer.

-If hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? What will i do then?
At least for today. I don't know.

-What is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? How will it change the situation i'm in? How long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Walk, stay online. Take my mind off it. Only for the time I'm doing something else. I don't know.

-How will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? How will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Bad, depressed, feeling like I let myself down. Maybe a bit better, but still feel the urge.

-What do i really want to do right now? How can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
Cut. I don' know.


Two months. I've gone two months with no cutting. I can't hold on much longer. I hate this. I hate myself.

[Smeagol]

Hi

I'm sorry you're in so much distress.

It looks to me that you're focussing very much on distracting technniques, and I wondered whether you could try to do something which would address your actual feelings.

Do you know what the feeling causing you to want to cut is? For example, are you angry, are you anxious, are you numb? Maybe if you know what the feeling is that you're trying to get rid of by cutting, you could try something which would address that directly. For example if you're angry you could punch cushions, or if you're anxious you could do soothing things like curling up in bed.

Even if you don't know what you're feeling, do you know what triggered it? For example have you just had bad news, or did you do something and feel stupid? Maybe you could try to counteract the reaction you're having that's making you so upset, for example by reminding yourself that you're human and it's okay to make mistakes.

Take care

Gwylan

[tattybluetrees]

Hi.

I hoppe you don't mind me replying here.

I think the things that you are saying are very good, and your distracting techniques sound very sensible.

When you say you have gone for two months and are getting to the end of your tether I have a lot of respect and sympathy for that. I have felt something very similar a lot recently. I think you should remember that whatever you do, those two months still stand. They are a great achievement and you have every riight to be proud of them.

Like smeagol says, it seems you are focusing on distractions. Is there anything you can do which would soothe your feelings? I find that sometimes my emotions get to an intensity where distraction just isn't an option anymore, because they are too big. If it feels like that could you try and soothe yourself? I find that things like having a hot bath or getting into bed and reading something nice helps. It's a way of acknowledging that I am feeling rubbish and trying to be nice to me, and the fact that someone, even if it's only me, is being nice to me, makes me feel a bit better.

I don't know if that is any help at all.

I hope you are okay.

Tatty

[myshelle]

Thanks to both of you for replying. I'm just having a hard week for some reason. Everything that could go wrong, or sour has. I ruined my 2-month si-free marathon, but I know it's an accomplishment-it's the longest I have ever gone.

Self-soothing is a good idea, but when I have all the feelings of hating and hurting myself, nothing can surpass it. If I knew how to just stop sometimes and listen to myself I might be better off.

I'm gonna post an "After Post" here shortly. I think it'll help me.

Thanks again for your words.