After--Just need something else to do.(rantish)

[Silme Lor]

Have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
--Yes.

What had happened just before?
--For the second time today someone told me that I have almost no friends and then proceeded to give me the same bullshit line about, Oh, but the one friend that you do have really likes you!

What were you thinking and feeling?
--I was thinking about how stupid I am and how I have no reason to be living. Wanting to destroy myself. Feeling very SU.

Why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
--I needed instant relief, I couldn't take the pain emotionally anymore so I made it go away physically.

How did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
--24/7 I can't stop thinking about how no one really likes me, how much I hate the way I look, and hate myself for the scars. I can't do it anymore...the only thing that makes me feel better is cutting. I don't know if there's anyting I could have done differently, my mind feels so foggy.

Were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
--I had a tiny amount of wine earlier tonight, I don't think it really had much of an effect though. I have nothing to blame but myself.

What other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
--I didn't, nothing else ever seems to work. I have to punish myself.

In retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
--Not really...wow, I am a f*ck up.

Name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
--

How do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
--I feel like it's never going to be fixed. I don't think it's ever going to be resolved. I only feel like I'm going to keep going like this until I destroy myself. Nothing feels like it will ever get better.

Are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Yes, perhaps I'll try to do something else for awhile and let the feeling pass, though, it usually doesn't.

What will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
Listen to music
Clean my room
Watch t.v.

[balletomane]

Hi Silme Lor.

I'm really sorry about that person's comments. That's a very hurtful thing to say.

I was thinking about how stupid I am and how I have no reason to be living.

What are some things that you have done that have made a positive difference to someone? It doesn't need to be something big, even holding a door or smiling at someone. What are some things that have made you happy? What are some things in your life that you appreciate?

24/7 I can't stop thinking about how no one really likes me, how much I hate the way I look, and hate myself for the scars. I can't do it anymore...the only thing that makes me feel better is cutting. I don't know if there's anyting I could have done differently, my mind feels so foggy.

It is really difficult to deal with those kinds of thoughts. Have you seen the post about cognitive distortions? This is something I've struggled with a lot. Again, can you think of people who have been impacted postively by you? Is it really true that you don't have friends, or does it feel that way? What are some things you think you can do to strengthen your friendships or make new friends?

Thinking back on the situation now that some time has passed, are there things you think you could have done differently?

--I didn't, nothing else ever seems to work. I have to punish myself.

Have any healthy coping skills helped a little? Did some work better than others? If nothing has worked at all, what are some more things that you can try next time? Watching TV, listening to music, and cleaning your room are all very good ideas. Why do you feel the need to punish yourself?

Not really...wow, I am a f*ck up.

You aren't a f*ck up. It is difficult to move toward healthier coping strategies. It is something that takes time and work.

I hope that answering the questions helped.

[Silme Lor]

Yes, your comments did help a lot. You always have very helpful and constructive things to say. Thanks

[balletomane]

Hey Silme Lor. That's a really kind thing to say. I really appreciate it.

How are you doing now? I hope you are well.

Take care.

b