before

[treasure]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
i will be calm and not feel so sad and lonely.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
si will simplify things, stop my feelings, but i know that is not going to get rid of the feeling completely.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
in the long run... i'm scared i don't have a future... i don't seem to care or want anything better for the long term. si will reinforce that feeling, which i know is a bad thing, but i don't know how to encourage myself or believe in myself. si will postpone me having to think/feel things about this "not caring about the future" feeling...

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
the relief could last only minutes - i feel like there's a lot of feelings i'm trying to run from and si can't stop them? if i si and feel crap again, i guess that being on Bus might help...and i could talk to L tomorrow. this feeling is more of a problem than just si urges, i guess i need more support for tomorrow and the next few days.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
i think doing distractions on Bus and other online stuff will help me cope w/o cutting. it will help diffuse the anxiety and sadness for a while. i need to talk to L in the next few days to help change the situation. i feel totally powerless to do anything about how i feel but i know getting help might change things.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
if i hurt myself today i think tomorrow i will be proud of it and maybe si more. i think choosing not to hurt myself is hard cos its also choosing to have more to deal with tomorrow. if i talk to L soon, i will feel a lot better than what i would with si.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
i really want to feel safe and like someone knows i feel sad and scared. i think Bus will be enough to help me deal with that.

from the third or fourth question i realised si wasn't going to help me this time, but unfortunately the urge to run away is also a su idea. i'm not sure how to deal with it except to ignore it for now and try and feel supported with Bus. i'm online in the same building as my drs office, so possibly i could go there and ask if there's anyone to talk to? i will spend some more time online first and see if that helps...

[Smeagol]

Hi

In terms of encouraging and believing in yourself, could you make a list of things you have achieved today? I'm not talking big things, just little things you have got done?

I know you feel sad and scared. Waht would make you feel safe? Would being curled up and warm make you feel safe? Is there any food you associate with being a child and being safe? I'm just thinking perhaps you could short-circuit the sad feelings with something that has very strong associations with safe, like a fluffy blanket or something. It works for me sometimes.

Take care

[balletomane]

I think it is a really powerful thing that you realized SI is not really going to help.

How are you doing now? Were you able to talk to someone?

[syn]

[quote=alletomane]I think it is a really powerful thing that you realized SI is not really going to help.

How are you doing now? Were you able to talk to someone?[/quote]

And you're beginning to recognize what might help instead. I would grow that list of other forms of coping.

What about posting about some of the things that you're worried about, and working through them on the board, or with other people you trust.