after urge

[moll_drum]

what had happened just before?

I woke up feeling su, wanting to si etc.

what were you thinking and feeling?

I had been thinking/dreaming/worrying about close friends, and my ex. About the damage I do to other people and how little I contribute.

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?

I didn't, I managed to get through it, just. But then had a really bad day all day.

were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?

I wasn't able to sleep but do not know if this contributed or was more part of how I was feeling.

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?

Had a shower, then came onto bus, tried to distract myself. In the end I went to my lj and read some nice messages I got recently. It made me feel better and I was able to cope; wore some wrist and ankle bands and read.

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.

keep a copy of happy messages, things that remind me I am loved,
Buy some new bands

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?

Not really, I think it has to be accepted rather than resolved, and I am not sure how to do that,.

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?

Yes, the before questions help. not sure what else.

What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?

that it was more completely self distructive. I am already stressed about seeing friends and family with my scars and it would have made it worse. It would have made it imp to be with people I care about.

Did I identify what feelings were leading me to want to SI?

mostly, maybe not as well as i can now.

If Yes - What were they, and how did I figure them out?

Self loathing, anger, hurt, lonliness, dispair. The before quiz, and then thinking about it all day. Having to go to work helped me avoid this one too.

What coping skills did I use to deal with these feelings?

distancing, distraction

Were these coping skills the most effective I could have used?

they were more affective at avoiding than dealing.

Why do I think they worked?

Largely cos I only had to get through the morning and force myself out the door to work.

How can I deal with these feelings more effectively next time, before the urge to SI sets in?

Good question, I don't think I know the answer.