after si trigger

[Serenity River]

SI TRIGGER



even things felt to much My thoughts were very bad over the last few days and last night they got worse i trying to distracted my self i tryed sleeping i kept waking up
i felt confused scared and alone
i didn't feel good with out cuts on me i felt out of control with out them five weeks felt to far to go to
i cut i didn't even felt it not at first after a while i did
i feel so bad like am a let down now
i feel so low
but the thought that were there are gone i hope for a long time

[Smeagol]

I'm sorry you were in so much distress. You're not a let down.

Why do cuts make you feel in control? Can you think of anything which would substitute for that, e.g. taking control of your environment by tidying (or messing!) it up?

Do you know what is scary about having gone 5 weeks without cutting? Maybe if you know what is scary you can do something to take some of the scariness away?

[Serenity River]

it the further av gone with out before then it was only a week i could go without because of dream s and thoughts of cutting
and other things going on

i feel that some times things get to much like pressure of all my thoughts
i try and get it out some away it helps but what been going on over the last few days i wanted to let it out but i couldn't and i felt i shouldn't either

the cutting i guess took the pressure off make me feel more able to deal with things in my head

[Smeagol]

When you say cutting took the pressure off, do you mean pressure to not cut and extend your five weeks? Apart from that, do you know what it is about cutting that makes you feel more able to deal with things? E.g. why does cutting work when sleeping or talking to someone doesn't?