before

[kcubrats]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
i will feel more relaxed...i will feel like i have something to hold on to

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
it will take my anxiety away and my urge and all the crap growing inside

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
it will make me feel like crap but i'll have my shelter back, my SI is my shelter and i'm afraid of going out

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
it's not my best option but it's what i am being told to do, my body is asking me to SI...the relief will be short, till i realize i was doing great and i fucked it up again...i will prolly get depressed and i dont feel like giving explanations to my parents about it

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
keep on talking to my friend bruce, get involved in the chat, go to sleep and make a list of things..

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
if i SI i will feel wasted and guilty, miserable and unwilling to struggle the urges anymore...i'll just fall down
if i dont SI i'll be comforted coz i was strong enough to cope with it, it would cheer me up maybe

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
i wanna slash it and drain it till i feel better and this knot in my throat fades away...but i wanna fight it too, i wanna be strong, i wanna resist, i want someone to hold me tight and tell me it's gonna be ok tomorrow morning...


Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
because i thought i was strong enough to cope with things as normal people would do but apparently i'm not so i'm just following my instincts and coz i'm anxious coz he said he'd come back and he hasnt and i was starting to fall for him and now i feel guilty alone and miserable for letting the illusion grow and also i dont wanna hurt him and now i'm babbling and being an idiot

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
yes i have lots of times and i dont know how i dealt with it maybe i didnt pay too much attention to it like i did today


What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
i've tried to talk to someone who's in the same position...it's helped a lot but i'm still feeling urgy...but stronger

How do I feel right now?
wasted, frustrated, guilty, miserable but slightly hopeful


How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
excited and nervous, maybe relieved


How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
right after satisfied and excited about starting over, but tomorrow morning i'll wish i had never been born

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i think i dont want to avoid it, i have to learn to deal with it and dont let it get to me


Do I need to hurt myself?
not anymore