before

[SaraiStar]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

*I will feel in control, if only for a little while... I will feel an intense, focused pointed sensation that will make me forget everything else I feel now, everything that is even and ever-lasting and depressing and sad. I'll feel a rush of energy that will be a brief reprieve from feeling, constantly and frustratingly, this ache.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

*It will make me feel "better"... it will introduce a new pain but interrupt the painful consistency of another.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

*I WANT to not feel like I do right now. I don't want to feel anxious and depressed. I dno't want to feel like cutting myself is all that I can do... that its the only thing strong enough to battle my other feelings. I don't want to hurt consistently. In the long run cutting myself probably won't get me there, but I feel like I've exhausted all my other options in this particular situation, and nothing is helping


if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

*Hopefully the relief will last long enough to let me focus on the work that I have to do for the rest of the night. If I cut myself right now I would probably then just try to do something normal (like eat or go to the gym) or try to delve into my work before the temporary clear-mindedness fades

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

*I could just force myself to push onward, and right now either make dinner or start doing work or go to the gym or something like that. It may or may not change the situation; i came home iwth a mind to do one or any of those things right away, and i couldn't. I just paced. If I could get myself to start to do anything else, it would probably get me through the night... and then maybe tomorrow will be different... but I cna't seem to do it

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

*If I hurt myself I will, ironically, have probably had a less anxious and more productive evening, which could well make me feel better in the morning than I would if I avoided it. In the very long term, however, I know that it is a highly temporary coping mechanism, even if it is the best short-term one

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

*I really want to cut... i wsh I could say something else. I wish I didn't feel this way at all. Maybe I'll just try to delay longer...

[silent_scream]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

*I will feel in control, if only for a little while... I will feel an intense, focused pointed sensation that will make me forget everything else I feel now, everything that is even and ever-lasting and depressing and sad. I'll feel a rush of energy that will be a brief reprieve from feeling, constantly and frustratingly, this ache.

Is there another way to get that feeling if you need it? Like holding ice cubes tightly in you're hands, or punching a pillow, or anything you can think of?

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

*It will make me feel "better"... it will introduce a new pain but interrupt the painful consistency of another.

Why do you need the pain to make you feel better? Is there something nice you can do that will make you feel better? Where does the pain part come in?

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

*I WANT to not feel like I do right now. I don't want to feel anxious and depressed. I dno't want to feel like cutting myself is all that I can do... that its the only thing strong enough to battle my other feelings. I don't want to hurt consistently. In the long run cutting myself probably won't get me there, but I feel like I've exhausted all my other options in this particular situation, and nothing is helping

What have you done that's exhausted all the options? Maybe I can help you think of ones you haven't tried? For example are you seeing a therapist? Have you tried a lot of distractions from the distractions list on this forum?) Have you called a helpline? Have you been on medication? Have you tried the activity route (eg keeping yourself so busy socially that you don't have time to feel bad ).

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

*Hopefully the relief will last long enough to let me focus on the work that I have to do for the rest of the night. If I cut myself right now I would probably then just try to do something normal (like eat or go to the gym) or try to delve into my work before the temporary clear-mindedness fades

HAve you found anything else that lasts so that you can get on with you're work? I am looking for the distractions you have tried.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

*I could just force myself to push onward, and right now either make dinner or start doing work or go to the gym or something like that. It may or may not change the situation; i came home iwth a mind to do one or any of those things right away, and i couldn't. I just paced. If I could get myself to start to do anything else, it would probably get me through the night... and then maybe tomorrow will be different... but I cna't seem to do it

I hope you are able to do those things (I think I'm replying later so maybe you have). Don't think about all these options - I know the pacing - knowing you should do something but just obsessing about feeling bad about doing it. Just do one thing at a time. If you need a shower, just think about that one thing: nothing else, and then you need to get dressed from the shower: just think about that one thing, and so on and so on and so on until tomorrow is here.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

*If I hurt myself I will, ironically, have probably had a less anxious and more productive evening, which could well make me feel better in the morning than I would if I avoided it. In the very long term, however, I know that it is a highly temporary coping mechanism, even if it is the best short-term one

Good answer Can't fault you there.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

*I really want to cut... i wsh I could say something else. I wish I didn't feel this way at all. Maybe I'll just try to delay longer...

[/quote]

And I hope you have. It's ok if you haven't: self injury is a coping methods, and of course people who use it are going to use it until they find something else that works. It is nothing to feel ashamed of: tomorrow is a new day to make a new commitment to finding alternative ways.

[SaraiStar]

Silent Scream, thank you so much for your replies... i did manage to delay (indefinitely, so far) and your responses got me thinking quite a bit. I really really appreciate your thoughtful reply, and I hope you are doing well!

-S