what had happened just before? i had an extremely rough day. i was home alone all day, and had been listening to depressing music. it all got me thinking about my life and what i even bother trying for.. i cried a lot. reached out and got help by calling a friend and felt better for a good two hours. was about to go to bed, when i got the idea that self injure would make me feel better. grabbed my towel and scissors and went at it.
what were you thinking and feeling? that i missed injuring, that i was a screw-up, that after the first arm, i might as well cover the second, i felt cold and numb, depressed, ruined.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it? i believe tha final straw was that i gave up fighting myself and decided that i wanted to injure anyway. my body was exhausted from fighting the whole day and so i collapased. bad.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
probably the instant when i was on my bed and thought, "i'm going to self injure." i could have called meg again, she told me she was there for me. i could have decided not too, but i was tired of denying myself what i wanted and so i gave up the fight.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how? lack of sleep, overeating. i can try to get more sleep when i have free time, and try not to use eating as a coping mechanism in the winter like i always do.
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work? i listened to music, went online, chatted online, and called a friend. it all worked dandy intially, and actually improved my mood loads but then everything crashed later on.
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they? i should have called meg back or gone downstairs and watched tv with my mom.
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again. take deep breaths to give myself time to remember other ways to deal, and keep my phone on me at all times so i don't feel as if it's a bother to go get it downstairs.
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution? i guess it's resolved. there wasn't much of a situation other than lonliness and i feel lonbely whenever i'm home along for a long period of time. maybe not resolved?
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation? yes, it's very likely. i'll recognize it, but i probably won't care enough to do something about it.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
crying, listening to music, calling a friend/mentor.
. Maybe next time you feel bad take a nap. 