Before

[NobodyToYou]

*how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I don't even know what the situation is. I know I am increasingly unhappy, feeling tense, feeling discouraged. I don't really feel like I can deal with going to work tomorrow, but I know I don't get a choice and I will be able to do it when I get there. Just don't want to...Also really tired of handling negative feelings in "good" ways because it takes so long for anything to change.

*what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
I could get a change quickly. I could feel like I was doing something...even if it isn't something good, at least it would be action. I could let some of the anger out. I think I am angry, but I am not really sure why or how I got this way. Take away...it might make me more negative in the future (or might not). It would be taking away some days. It would possibly make me a bit more discouraged about ever being "normal".

*how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to NOT feel for a bit. Hurting myself would make that happen. But I know that there would be other negative consequences too...just can't think of them now.

*if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It will probably be really short...maybe a few hours. Then I will go to sleep and wish I didn't have to wake up to deal with tomorrow. And I will wake up and tell myself I can get through one more day. If it is too bad, I could always SI again.

*what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could do a ton of things, but I don't know what to try. I don't know what would help. I am not dissociating at all, so grounding things aren't going to help. I am not strongly feeling any particular emotion I can identify, so I don't know another way to express it. I am trying writing instead of acting...we will see if that helps or not. I am trying to distract myself by watching tv and will probably read a book later. It would probably help if I could cry, but so far, I am really not able to.

*how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I will feel guilty, angry, and worthless if I hurt myself. I will feel angry, worthless, and tense if I don't. Not sure which would be better...there may not be a "better".

*what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really want to try taking pills, something that would put me to sleep or make me violently sick (I don't know why I want that...I know it isn't normal) but I am not going to do it...mainly because I have no pills and I expect my normal SI would be less harmful physically. But I am still trying to use other things to get through, without SI. I guess I will probably be playing the waiting game tonight...won't do anything for at least 30 minutes. I can commit to that much.

[balletomane]

how about going to sleep now? is that a possibility?

you also mentioned writing. how about other forms of expression, like drawing. Sometimes I feel like it is easier to express feelings nonverbally.