bef ore

[ArchyOpteryx]

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
spinniing spinning fast brain fast
running and hiding from every thought
deal with nothing

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
oh yeah
i made a list, checked it twice, and started kicking the list's ass
so better and super proud and super cool

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
eaten lots of candy and ice cream and made myself sick and drank a lot and taken drugs and shit
maybe deal with this shit

How do I feel right now?
spinning fast
but a bit better

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
concentrated to the eye of a needle
maybe a bit guilty will creep in because i know a better way now

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
after - normal
tomorrow - achy, sneaky, hide it from everyone,
ok fine
stupid and childish and guilty

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i do not know what the stressor is
everything is the stressor
i am avoiding every thought i have
i deny it
i deny it
i do not want to see it
what is it
i can not look at me
but here i am
following me
aaaaaarrrrrgggghhhh!
like a hoorrror movie
i am after me

ok
i will stop that and deal with my shit
thank you SO much
cuz this is going to suck

Do I need to hurt myself?
aaaaaarrrrrgggghhhh!
no
jerk stupid face

[ArchyOpteryx]

mab

a lot of what you said made me really mad

so maybe you are right!

thanks

[silent_scream]

ArchyOpteryx wrote

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
spinniing spinning fast brain fast
running and hiding from every thought
deal with nothing

Can you do something to calm yourself? If I am in that kind of mood I find sometimes that just stopping moving and watching tv or having a bath or coming online help me to ground myself.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
oh yeah
i made a list, checked it twice, and started kicking the list's ass
so better and super proud and super cool

*agrees with Mab*...
What happened before to make you feel this way? What triggered the feeling? Is it the same thing this time? I have kept a note of my moods when they are especially bad: and I do notice there are things that have triggered the feeling that I didn't notice (I wrote down what I was doing beforehand and after and so on).

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
eaten lots of candy and ice cream and made myself sick and drank a lot and taken drugs and shit
maybe deal with this shit

Try getting some comfort from other people. Try sleeping, Try doing something healthy. I'm not about to tell you don't take drugs... but... taking them hasn't worked has it?

How do I feel right now?
spinning fast
but a bit better

I am glad you feel a little better.

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
concentrated to the eye of a needle
maybe a bit guilty will creep in because i know a better way now

I know that feeling.

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
after - normal
tomorrow - achy, sneaky, hide it from everyone,
ok fine
stupid and childish and guilty

Is that any better than how you feel now?

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i do not know what the stressor is
everything is the stressor
i am avoiding every thought i have
i deny it
i deny it
i do not want to see it
what is it
i can not look at me
but here i am
following me
aaaaaarrrrrgggghhhh!
like a hoorrror movie
i am after me

ok
i will stop that and deal with my shit
thank you SO much
cuz this is going to suck

Yes you are going to have to deal with you're shit, and yes it is going to suck and yes it is hard and yes it hurts. Okay, now we know those things what shall we do about them? Do you think by denying the feelings and so on it is causing the stressor? Maybe if you let yourself feel for a little bit it would be ok: you won't explode (I promise). Getting help is ok too: getting support from other human beings is hard to do but very worth it, and very healthy.

Do I need to hurt myself?
aaaaaarrrrrgggghhhh!
no
jerk stupid face

lol. You're right. You don't need to. getting mad at the question feels good though .

[ArchyOpteryx]

Maybe if you let yourself feel for a little bit it would be ok: you won't explode (I promise).

hey
i was freaking out again
denying my feeling
i let myself feel
(jesus h christ i sound like some 70's hippie bullshit)
my tear ducts made that little squeezy feeling
(no actual tears, emotions are forbidden)
and now i feel semi sane
not really sure why had that feeling to begin with
shit

thank you very much silent scream