yeah
what had happened just before?
i returned to my room after taking a really difficult test that i felt like i failed and after talking to some people in another one of my classes about hw
thinking about being a failure and needing to punish myself led me to fixate on it
not just before but earlier my roommate had skipped lunch again and whenever she doesn't eat it makes me feel powerless/upset/frustrated
what were you thinking and feeling?
somewhat overwhelmed but mostly stupid
frustrated with myself
powerless/lacking control
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
i had the reason and the opportunity at the same time
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
i should learn not to be so hard on myself, to have such high expectations of myself, to not allow outside factors to have so much of an influence over me
my thought patterns and standards for myself need to be changed
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
not really
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
none - i was fixated on punishing myself, on taking out my frustration
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
coloring
answering my questions/the before questions
working on something else to distract myself
being with a friend would have kept me from si - but talking doesn't usually help me so it probably would have simply delayed the opportunity
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
when i notice myself fixating on si, try to change my thoughts to do something relaxing
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
i still feel stupid and frustrated - but now also that i lacked the control over myself. annoyed with myself for si-ing because it doesn't really do anything to change the situation and annoyed with myself for not trying harder to stop
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
yes. i feel powerless and stupid
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
coloring
answering questions
working on something else so i can accomplish something and feel better about myself
About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.
What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
it was there and i had the urge and the same time
Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
it was there for the taking
What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
i probably would have talked to my roommate about the test but then felt bad for complaining
i would have written or done other work
If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
it depends on how successful i was on distracting myself
usually increase but sometimes if i can completely focus on something else, it would decrease
What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
having the desire and being alone
If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
if the desire were taken away, i would be fine for a while but then eventually start thinking about si a lot again and it woudl start coming back
if being alone were taken away, i would create that by going to the showers or shifting my schedule to get the time alone
I feel bad because this is the second time this week I have cut and usually I don't cut more than once a week. I don't know why i bothered to write myself questions to answer since i never think of them until after the fact. i know i should try harder to quit, to want to quit, but i can't bring myself to do that.
