before

[graceless]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

I will feel like I've tryed to make a diffrence...instead of feeling like i need to get out of here - cus i have no place else to go


what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

it'll bring me another scar...another thing to be ashamed of which isn't so good.
It'll make me feel calmer.
take away? my panic

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

Im not sure I want to stop...which isnt good is it? damn. I dont know

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

maybe a night if im lucky...then i can go sleep and tomorrow i should be ok

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

I dont know...i could phone someone but i could never tell them about this or how im feeling so id just get frustrated...it might delay it for an hour or so.


how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

If i cut, tomorrow i'll feel stupid and like i'm not caring enough to avoid doing this.
If i dpnt cut i'll be in the same state i think...but i dunno


what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I want to be ok - to walk away from all this crap..but it follows.
I think cutting is less destructive than not cutting cus i feel more controled wen i cut.

[ChaseThisLight]

Just from reading, it seems as though you don't really want to cut...am I correct? I know it seems so tempting...for me it's tempting when i can't sleep, or am so stressed out I can barely exist. I think you know what you want to do in the long run...Take care of yourself

[tattybluetrees]

Hi graceless. i hope it's okay for me to reply to your post.

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will feel like I've tryed to make a diffrence...instead of feeling like i need to get out of here - cus i have no place else to go

That sounds pretty tough. Is there any way you could get out just for ten minutes? Maybe go for a walk or just sit outside the front door for a bit (if it's safe to do that where you live)?

If that isn't possiblle is there anything you like doing that lets you 'get away' in your head a bit... watching films, readiing books, playing games... that sort of thing. Escapism.


what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

You say you are feeling panicy. Do you get panic attacks or anything like that? I'm not the best person to ask on this because I don't, but I know there is a lot of stuff around BUS about how to deal with panic attacks or anxiety. Maybe it would be worth having a look for some of that?

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

Im not sure I want to stop...which isnt good is it? damn. I dont know

It's not good if you say it's not good. No one here is goingg to judge you if you aren't thinking about stoopping right now. But yu are making a before post which means that you are trying not to act on this urge right now, and that's a pretty good thing I rekon.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

maybe a night if im lucky...then i can go sleep and tomorrow i should be ok

If you don't SI and manage to get to sleep will you still feel better tomorrow? If so, is there any other way that you could get to sleep? Anything that you can do or ddistrcat yourself with until you get very tired?

If getting to sleep is a problem, can you think more about why that is? There are quite a lot of tricks you can use for getting to sleep that are at least worthh trying, although not all of them work for everybody. I swear by counting... not sheep, just counting slowly upwards, one number foor each breath in and each breath out. If I start thinking about something else I go back to one.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

I dont know...i could phone someone but i could never tell them about this or how im feeling so id just get frustrated...it might delay it for an hour or so.

Is there nyone that you could tell? Maybe if you told them when you are feeling okay andd prepared them for times like now that you might call?

If not, then is there anything else you could think about doing?

I hope some of what I have said helps. Take care of yourself... look after yourself as much as you can.

Best thoughts.

Tatty