After.......

[MovingStranger]

what had happened just before?

I had been texting my friend, K, she is leaving next tuesday, and it didn't go well. We weren't exacly arguing but it still didn't go well

what were you thinking and feeling?

I was feeling scared. I don't want to lose her because she means so much to me, yet I'm managing to push her away and annoy her in the last few days before she leaves. I'm not sure we're going to be able to see eachother before she goes and that upsets me because she said she might not be coming back. I want to hold on to her forever.

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?

It was just that I really needed to talk about this, and the only person I can talk to when I get in the sort of state I got myself into is her....so what could I do?

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw.

I could have a. not text her (because I knew what would happen) and b. not sat and thought about it for an hour afterwards. Next time I will go out for a walk or listen to some music instead

were there outside factors like drugs, alcohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?

Lack of sleep probably came into it. I need to make sure I get a decent amount of sleep at night because I'm definitely not at the moment.

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?

I didn't try any. Next time I will

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?

I could have gone for a walk, listened to music, or at least held a couple of ice cubes first

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.

1. This sounds silly, but I've stuck a sticker with alternatives listed on it onto my box of blades

2. I will read the list and think through each option and decide whether it would work and how. That in itself may be enough of a distraction.

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?

Most definitely not resolved. I need counselling for this

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?

Yes I am. I will recognise it from how I feel, and I will try and do something about it

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

1. Go for a walk/drive/ride my horse
2. Listen to some happy music
3. Watch a good film (comedy)

^^^those things often work for me

[Jomomma]

How long have you 2 been friends?
Friendships are hard to lose especially when one moves far away.
Can you talk to eachother after she leaves?
Write letters to eachother?
Just because she is leaving doesn't mean you have to break all contact with her.

On the list you have taped in your box, what movies do you have listed that make you feel good?
Do you have a happy box?
SOmethign that you can get to first that has some tools for coping before you get the other box?

[plantt]

don't have a lot to say right now... i read though & i'm glad that you've found some ideas to use for next time

[mallie]

Sounds like you have a pretty good idea what was going on...

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.

1. This sounds silly, but I've stuck a sticker with alternatives listed on it onto my box of blades

2. I will read the list and think through each option and decide whether it would work and how. That in itself may be enough of a distraction.

This definately doesn't sound silly to me. It sounds like an effective way to remind yourself that there are alternatives to hurting yourself. It can be so hard to just remember them when feeling distressed.

Most definitely not resolved. I need counselling for this

When are you going to look into this?

[MovingStranger]

I’ll try and answer your questions as best I can.

How long have you 2 been friends?

I’m not sure exactly, not that long really but I don’t really think that matters much because we’ve become very close, and I’ve shared things with her I would never share with anyone else, and her with me. She’s a lot older than me, I’m an only child and she’s like my big sister. It’s hard to explain.

Friendships are hard to lose especially when one moves far away.
Can you talk to eachother after she leaves?
Write letters to eachother?
Just because she is leaving doesn't mean you have to break all contact with her.

Yeah…she’s moving to South Africa. I’ll be able to talk to her yes, but it’ll be different. For example, I wouldn’t want to call her in the middle of the night when I’m having one of my…moments…because I think she would feel useless, being so far away (even though just talking helps, I think she’d feel bad for not being able to actually do anything to help me).

I will be writing to her. I really wanted to see her again before she leaves on Tuesday, but we’re both really busy and I don’t think we’re going to be free at the same time, so I’ve actually already written my first letter, all the things I wanted to tell her before she left. It’s better than nothing.

I won’t be breaking contact with her. This time, I refuse to let myself lose her. She means too much to me.

On the list you have taped in your box, what movies do you have listed that make you feel good?

I’ve got a few Monty Pythons, they always make me laugh, the Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy, a couple of Eddie Izzard DVD’s and the Red Dwarf series

Do you have a happy box?
SOmethign that you can get to first that has some tools for coping before you get the other box?

Yeah, well I have something that was intended to be a happy box, it has little things like letters and things people have given me in, with the idea that looking through it would make me happy…to be honest, memories don’t always work that way! I’m working on a new one.

Most definitely not resolved. I need counselling for this

When are you going to look into this?

Already have. I have mixed feelings about counseling, I have issues with the fact that they’re only listening and caring because I’m paying them to rather than because they genuinely care about me as a person, as a friend would. But, having said that, I realize it is something I really do need to get through the problems I am having.

[mallie]

Red Dwarf is definately a good choice of feel good watching material

Already have. I have mixed feelings about counseling, I have issues with the fact that they’re only listening and caring because I’m paying them to rather than because they genuinely care about me as a person, as a friend would.

Don't forget that a counsellor would also know more about how to speak with you to get at the issues. And, because there is that distance, they might be more likely to tell you what you need to hear, even when it means saying things you don't want to hear. Its not the same as a friendship, but can be a really helpful relationship to have.