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Yes
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I had an evaluation-talk with the commission that is currently assessing if they're going to allow me to medical school. It was very confronting. Insulting as well. They seem to have totally missed the point about my character. The professor was telling me that I am unable to sense other people's emotions and that I'm also unable to show compassion. He said my final mark was an average, but that he thought I wouldn't last long as a doctor. That I wouldn't be good to my patients.
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I felt really hurt by what he said. I got both angry and sad.
Self-hate thoughts running through my head again (I'm worthless, etc)
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The final straw was when he said I wouldn't be good anyway, even if I tried to practise to change it or get better at handling patients. On top of that, I wanted to hand in my traineeship report, and my supervisor had said she was available all day. So I come to drop off my report... supervisor gone... she had a work meeting and I had to wait for 2 hours... when I had better things to do, like learning for my philosophy exam (tomorrow).
I ended up hurting myself because my coping methods did not work (I tried other things first)
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I could have tried explaining the professorhead that all the time when he was observing me for social skills, I had dissociation problems. That would probably explain why I "didn't interact with others". But that would mean explaining how I got those problems. I'm too much of a coward to do that.
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not really... maybe a slight lack of sleep and tons of stress.. but apart from that, no
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I tried snapping my wristband, but that actually triggered me more. then I tried calling a friend. Voicemail x 3. So I read one of the letters (have asked friends to write a letter for when I'm feeling bad and triggered). That helped a little. But not enough apparently.
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Talking to a friend. that usually calms me down. but they were busy with their own things, couldn't reach them.
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Write them on my coping card
remember to put my coping card in my pocket instead of leaving it at home.
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It's not resolved. I don't know how to solve it either.
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very likely... I think there might be more evaluation thingies next year, if I go on with medicine. So no need to recognize, I'll know in advance when I will feel bad again.
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Try to reach one of my friends again.
Read one of the letters again.
Maybe get a pillow, pretend its the professors' head and throw it against the wall *evil grin*