Before (kharre's questions)

[Chessie]

cross posted to my place.....

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kharre's questions:

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I've been feeling urges to hurt myself because I'm angry at myself for things that don't make sense. I'm mad because my mom isn't there for me, because my needs aren't being met...Yet I view it as 100% my fault. It's distorted of me to think that having needs that aren't being met, even when I've mentioned them, is fully my fault. Sometimes I think that having needs that I cannot take care of on my own makes me a weak, bad, vulnerable person.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I've been here many times before. I deal with feeling my needs are my fault rather often. I've dealt with it in a variety of ways. Sometimes I go inward and spend a great deal of time reflecting and journaling or painting and creating other art. Other times I turn to other people. I think when I depend on just myself or just others it leads things to go wrong...friendships get ruined, I wear myself out. I need to learn to balance the two. Easier said than done.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've had favorite chinese food for dinner. I've spoken with a friend. I've been writing in my place. I've had a glass of wine. I rarely ever have anything to drink (I normally will have a drink a few times a year...I don't like to get drunk as it feels awful and out of control, but just one drink every now and then is okay.) I think writing in my place is something I can continue to do. Perhaps asking my mom to read a favorite children's book or two to me tonight or reading them to myself if she can't. I can knit. I can just color in my coloring books, too.

How do I feel right now?
Right now I feel a bit sleepy, less triggered than earlier, still very sad and alone. Lonely. In need of attention.

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Anxious. I'll feel anxious and jumpy and scared. But I don't think I'm going to hurt myself.

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I'll feel upset after hurting myself, in crisis....and the morning after I'll be freaking out about hiding the cut(s)

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I can't really avoid this stressor until we deal with it in therapy. Which is going to happen.

Do I need to hurt myself?
No. It would cause more problems than relief. Plus I'd lose all my time free and have to tag along w/ my mother if she found out about it. That would make me angry to lose that time.

-C.

[Jomomma]

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I can't really avoid this stressor until we deal with it in therapy. Which is going to happen.

This sounds very positive.
Have you been telling your mother that you feel your needs are not being met?
Have you been able to tell her what those needs are?

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've had favorite chinese food for dinner. I've spoken with a friend. I've been writing in my place. I've had a glass of wine.

Good for you for doing something that makes you feel good.

Perhaps asking my mom to read a favorite children's book or two to me tonight or reading them to myself if she can't.

May I suggest Fox In Socks.
It is a great feel good book but you have to read it out loud and if you feel up to it read it fast.
It's fun to see how many mistakes you can make while reading