After post

[Arcadia]

have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Yes, i ahd the plaster out before the razor blade.


what had happened just before?
I had learned that i might have to re-take the first year of college, and huge financial problems

what were you thinking and feeling?
Panic and overwhelming feelings of not being able to cope.

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?

It was learning that i might have to re-take my first year of college


how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
um gone to my art lessons?


were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?

lack of sleep - i will not be living in halls next year regardless of what happens. problem solved.


what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I tried self-nurturing and distraction techniques.they worked ok for a while, as did very loud music.

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
Maybe not attempting to give up drugs alchohol and SI at the same time

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
I will have a small amount of alchohol, talk to a friend, or go out.


how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
The problem is that this decision is in the hands of others, i can't resolve it.

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
of course iw ill. I will just have to practise self control and make sure i don't fail anything again.


what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

Listen to Loud music
See people
Have a warm bath and try to sleep.

[silenceBROKEN]

Sorry you followed through with your urges to self injure...

I would have certainly been freaked out if I would have been told that I would have to retake my year of college.

Learn from your slip instead of beating yourself up over it. Take care.

[plantt]

college & financial stuff can be really icky

Yes, i ahd the plaster out before the razor blade

that... leads me to believe that there was some sort of deciding point. an 'yeah i'm going to cut now' type thing. i guess i'm wondering if you could put your list of things to try rather than si... with the plasters. as a reminder for you when you're having urges again.

The problem is that this decision is in the hands of others, i can't resolve it.

what can you do to change how you're thinking about it... how can you lessen the stress.... what can you do to accept that there are things in life that we cannot control... what are some of the things that you are able to do about the situation?
eg. you mention 'not failing classes'... what are some steps you can take towards that?

[Arcadia]

silencebroken: thank you for your support its nice to know i'm not over-reacting.

Plantt:

that... leads me to believe that there was some sort of deciding point. an 'yeah i'm going to cut now' type thing.

well...yeh, I even sterilised a razor blade because i had used it previously for shaving my legs. I always go into this kind of blank ritual mode before cutting, it's very very calm, as though i were writing cheques or something.

The steps i can take...well i can try that and will. one of the problems is that i was visualising cutting for weeks before i did and it was such a relief.
The only steps i can take towards not failing classes are to tighten my self-discipline and get on with things more, and attend classes. Which is easier said than done. although my English tutor did come up with some fantastic advice which centred around learning new habits and not telling yourself you're a loser because you get into bad habits.

I even feel angry because they have steps they are supposed to take - they are supposed to send me a letter after a number of absences and call a Stage One meeting if i miss two lessons after that. they only sent me the letter. I know it is my responsibility but other stuff has made everythign worse..my Personal Tutor is on Maternity Leave as well.

I don't know how i can accept that things are out of my control because one of my big things is needing to control everything...