Before.

[PoisonIvy]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I'll feel less anxious. I might be able to communicate how much it hurts, how much he's hurt me.


what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
it would bring a sense of calmness in my otherwise nervous, shaking body. It would calm me to a point were I might be able to have a reasonable conversation where things get solved.


how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I don't want to feel about this. We just had a fight. Its about the stupidest thing, I just want to forget about it. Its not as likely to get me to that feeling because when I see marks I will remember.


if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It will last until we start talking about it again or until I let it eat away at me.


what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could sleep. I'm not tired, but i feel exhausted. It won't change the situation, but it might help me calm down. After I wake up, Iouri will probably call me to meet him to see a movie. I don't want to see a movie, not with him. He makes me so angry right now.


how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I'll be upset because I've gone 6 weeks. It hasen't been this long in a very long time. I'll feel lazy if I just sleep, like as if all I ever do is just sleep my problems away.


what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to talk to him. I want him to tell me that hes sorry for the things he said. I want him to tell me that he would be attracted to me even if i were wearing a moo moo and face paint. I want to know that I'm good enough. I can best honor it by just not doing it. But that doesn't change the fact that I don't want to.

[plantt]

hello

not a lot changes the 'want to'. that can be really upsetting. communicating the 'want' being able to get that across without acting on it can be an important thing to learn to do imo.

how could you communicate how much it hurts... without si?
what has worked in the past to help you deal with anxiety?

I don't want to feel about this

i can understand the not wanting to feel... the fact is that you *do* feel. how can you let yourself accept that you do have feelings about this situation?

It won't change the situation, but it might help me calm down.

*nods* sometimes situations aren't 'quick fix' things. sometimes it is more a matter of changing how we're thinking & dealing with things... rather than changing the actual situation.