after - pathetic me strikes again

[XclippedXwingsX]

have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.

Yes... four bandages on them and I've washed them very good.

what had happened just before?

My boyfriend Brett broke up with me and not to mention the stress of the Ohio Graduation Test weighing down on me...

what were you thinking and feeling?

I felt pathetic, ugly even... I was thinking "There's gotta be a way out of this f*cked up life of mine"

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it?

I just couldn't take anymore pressure... I was going to explode if you can understand... Brett breaking up with me was the last thing I could stand. He had been the only sanity I had and I lost him... I felt like a f*ck up.

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw.

I dunno exactly... I know the pressure of the Graduation test started weighing down on me and that got me really freaked out and the point i was failing two classes... I'm on new meds which don't seem to work and I hate my new T...

were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?

no

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?

I didn't try anything else

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?

Probably just crying would've helped a lot. Crying does seem to ease stress for me - but I can't seem to let myself cry without thinking I'm acting like a baby.

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.

1) It's ok to cry
2) People will love you just the same if you do

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?

Well a break up I guess is sort of resloved - except I would like to know why he did it... In that case, I may just call him and ask him about it.

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?

No, because once the OGT pressure is over - I won't be so easily push over the line over a little stupid thing like a break up.

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

1) cry
2) punch a pillow
3) write some poetry

xXx Charm xXx

[scarlit_sky]

Just wanted to say that I hope you are doing okay......

Emily

[XclippedXwingsX]

thank you for your kindness

xXx Charm xXx

[pretty]

Hey

I was thinking "There's gotta be a way out of this f*cked up life of mine"

I'm not sure if you still feel that way, if not just ignore this bit What can you do to change things for the better? Is the crappyness temporary, if so, how can you make things more bearable until it passes? When is the graduation test, what can you do to get yourself through until it's over?

I just couldn't take anymore pressure... I was going to explode if you can understand...

Yep, I know that feeling well.

I know the pressure of the Graduation test started weighing down on me and that got me really freaked out and the point i was failing two classes... I'm on new meds which don't seem to work and I hate my new T...

Can you try coping things to deal with the sress? Things like breathing techniques, or simpler things like getting organised and planning your time. Try to keep it in perspective, you're way more important than a test, even a really important one.

Have you spoken to anyone about your meds not helping? If you haven't been on them long, give them time, but if it's been a while it's worth talking to someone about getting them sorted. You don't have to just put up with feeling rubbish. Can you do anything about your new t? Maybe talk to them, let them know that you're struggling to get along with them and right now you need the support? Or change to a better t maybe, if that's possible? It's worth trying to work through the problems with them, cos again, you don't have to just put up with it. You can change things.

Probably just crying would've helped a lot. Crying does seem to ease stress for me - but I can't seem to let myself cry without thinking I'm acting like a baby.

Crying can help so much, be so comforting and soothing and calming. It's great to just let everything out sometimes. If you can let yourself do that it might really help. It really is ok to cry when you need to.

In that case, I may just call him and ask him about it.

That sounds like a really good idea. But make sure you're prepared for whatever he says - it may be quite hurtful.

I hope you feeel better soon, it can be so hard when you're under so much pressure and other things start to go wrong. Take care of yourself.

[plantt]

just to add a couple things...

No, because once the OGT pressure is over - I won't be so easily push over the line over a little stupid thing like a break up.

that sounds a bit wishful to me. it's like saying 'well as soon as *this family event* is over... things will be easier' 'as soon as *this year of school* is over... things will be easier'
while that may be true... i think it's more that things get easier 'for a time'.
my question would be... how will you cope the next time there is something pressure-filled? i like notevenpretty's suggestion of learning ways to deal with stress.

also, why do you think that a break-up is a 'little stupid' thing? it 'can' sound little & stupid... i'd agree with that. it has the whole 'teenage angst' deal behind it at times. i do think though that it's as valid to feel hurt & upset over a break-up as it is to feel hurt & upset over anything else. you had emotional ties to that individual. you were used to doing things together. etc. how can you work to allow yourself to be upset over things you consider 'small'?