After - my first post on this site

[sadgirl2]

Have you taken care of your physical wounds?
Yes

What had happened right before?

It had just been building since my marital counseling appointment a few days earlier. And additional work load at work - feeling stressed and some problems to work out with my son. I think it was the combination. I got too low and felt like I couldn't cope.

What were you thinking and feeling?

I let my husband know that I was not happy with some problems in the marriage...some with his anger/temper and I felt like my feelings for him have disappeared after having to deal with what I felt when he was angry. I had a very abusive first marriage and I have a hard time dealing with it.

Why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time?
It had been building up. I was really trying not to, but I was doing a task where I could hurt myself so I just did it.

How did the situation get to the final straw stage? Trace it back through the events that led up to the last even. Look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.

I felt like I had no one to talk to and I was feeling more anxiety and stress about it.

Were there outside factors like drugs, alcohol, being off yor meds, lack of sleep, etc? Can you address those in the future? How?

No. I'm on anti-depressants and maybe I need to up the dose, I'm not sure I see my doctor in February. I figured I would try and deal with it by myself and therapy before going down that road.
What other ways of coping did you try besdies self-harm? How well did they work?

In retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? What were they?

This site might have helped. Or it has been suggested to me to journal,but I don't feel I have the privacy to do so. I did post something on another web site and someone offered me advice and help me not hurt myself again and I called and left a message for my therapist, but it being a holiday weekend she did not get the message. The only reason I really did that was the extent of the injury and I thought I might have to go to ER.

Name a least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.

I think I need to stop and review the list my therapist and I came up with to see if that will help. If that doesn't help reaching out to someone would help me, but I'm not sure who that would be right now.

How do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? Is it resolved? If not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?

I think I need to make a decision on if I can stay in this marriage and work on how I react to anger or agressive behavior.

Are you likely to be in the same emotional place again?

It is likely. I'm in individual therapy & marriage therapy and lot of stuff is coming up. Plus I have a lot of unresolved issues in my marriage.

What will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? List three specific things you will commit to trying.

1. I am going to try journaling.
2. I usually try going for a walk.
3. Maybe post online since I feel like I don't want to burdon my friends with this.

My marriage therapist says I should tell my husband every time I SI, but I am having a problem with that. We'll see....

Thanks, Terri

[littlethings]

Hi Terr,

Welcome to BUS, have a cow

BUS is a great resource. I'm in individual & group therapy, and sometimes I find it really helpful to come here while dealing with the strong emotions those bring up.

You mention you had been doing a task where it was easy to hurt yourself, so you did. Are there any ways of avoiding tasks that make tools available while you are triggered?

By the way, since you are new to BUS and may not have seen it yet, there is a great post of coping mechanisms to try when triggered in the Coping Forum. Laura compiled it. I've printed it out and have a copy in my bedroom so it's easy to find when I am triggered. I can't tell you how many times it's helped me remember that there are things I can do.

JoAnna

[sadgirl2]

Thanks - I'll check into it! Anything that can help is a good thing!

Terri

[Wendy]

Hate to contradict your therapist, but I don't know that telling your husband every time you SI is such a good thing. I know how hard marriage counseling is -- try to get all the support you can. Do you have a friend you can talk to about this privately?

Hugs,

Wendy

[sadgirl2]

I go to an individual therapist also. I saw her today. I talked to her about it. It's not only SI'ing, but he wanted to read all my poems, be included in everything. My poems I was doing to help with therapy and I originally read him one, but didn't feel comfortable sharing the rest. I finally gave in and let him read them, and then asked for them back. He didn't want to give them to me so I told him I didn't want our kids or anyone else to see them because of the content and my privacy. I came home the next day and they were laying on the coffee table, my kids were on the couch (14 & 22) and my husband was not home yet. I shredded them and talked to him later. He said it was a simple mistake. The problem is I already had a trust problem.

I do have a problem right now telling him every time I hurt myself. I do tell him sometimes, but he always thinks its because of his anger and starts saying it's all his fault, and it isn't. She said if I could get to a place where I could tell him and he gave me the support and love I needed at that moment it could work...But she made it clear that it's my decision.

My first husband was so evil and really worked at hurting me and my second husband has a kind heart, but there are things that after fifteen years of trying I don't know if they will ever work out. I feel terrible about it.

Sorry I'm rambleing....