yes.have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
what had happened just before?
it's more a culmination of the week.
we had been discussing therapy issues on bus and i confessed that i had a hard time communicating because i think it has to do with being intimidated by authority. even though those "in authority" don't know they are, i put them there.what were you thinking and feeling?
no event was the final straw. just a build up of urginess that compounded and when i finally did cut on myself, the relief was, well, a relief.why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
i don't know how it got to the final straw. i'm not sure there really is a final straw. the urginess just builds. tracing it back, it goes to the conversation we had about T's and communication. i feel like a complete failure in that department. i'm not sure if my failure to communicate well is because i'm too intimidated by the implied (by me) authority or if i am just to overwhelmed and can't think while i'm there.how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
yes to every one but meds and alcohol. i tried to drink. it's too damn hard. you have to suffer through that horrible taste before you get the results you want. to address those in the future.... i don't know what to do about the sleep. i fall asleep anywhere from 10-11pm and wake up between 3-4am. the drugs. i need to slow way down. make it a special thing. like an evening drink. that might help.were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
i picked at my scars, i did some housework, i swept the deck, i watched the boob tube, i went outside and got high, cleaned up the deck....what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
i just need to get my head right. i quit smoking by going cold turkey...i just had to wait until my head was right. maybe it's the same way for si. until then, i could do this, write in the "before" thread." I'm supposed to call my t, but that is so hard because i don't feel in a crisis right now. so i shouldn't call him, right? you only call when you are in a crisis. true i never do cut on myself when we talk, but i think it's just me feeling guilty afterwards and it's easier to stay away from the wrong stuff when guilt is present.in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
i never forget those coping methods, they just only work for a very short period of time. if i'm gonna do it, i'm going to do it.name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
I need to print out the original bus conversation and let T read it and try to express myself about my fears and resolve this little issue. Problem is, that is so scary.
yes, definitely. maybe not on this particular problem, but i'll find others. will i recognize them? probably not. i only just figured this one out last night and i cut on myself on tuesday and then tonight. i'm slow at figuring things out.are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
1. distraction by walking, working, journalingwhat will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
2. be more honest and verbal during sessions so i'm not so frustrated
3. get out the crafty crap and do something with my hands
