after the fall

[green chameleon]

* have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. Yeah mostly, still stopping the bleeding


* what had happened just before?
been thinking about it all day

* what were you thinking and feeling?
It will show people my pain

* why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it?

I was alone and on pain pills.

* how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw.

I don't know, I just wanted to cut

* were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
Yes, pain pills and other drugs. Make it easier to cut more with less pain

* what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I got on bus I tried to call a friend


* in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
could have taken a nap or watched tv

* name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
I will try to articulate my feelings better. I will try to do something nice for myself instead of cutting

* how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
No, it's not resolved until someone notices and asks why and I (maybe) give them an honest answer

* are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?

Yes, it's usually at work when I feel useless. Left early today b/c there was nothing for me to do . I need a full time position that keeps me busy.

* what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
relax in bath with a book. Hug a friend at work. Talk to my one friend that knows.

[Tiarin]

i noticed a lot about needing to communicate something (which is something i very much relate to!) i was reading this and thinking about other recent posts of yours that seem to suggest that you aren't getting the help you need. which i am thinking must be terribly frustrating

i'm wondering . . . when you say, "it will show people my pain," do you have any specific people in mind? i know that i sometimes am hoping for attention from particular individuals, and if i can look at that, it at least gives me a direction to go.

No, it's not resolved until someone notices and asks why and I (maybe) give them an honest answer

is there any chance you could initiate this conversation? it sounds like you really need to talk.

one other thing to possibly think about— if someone did notice, and you told them the truth, what would you like them to do in response?

i'm thinking of you, gc.

dragonfly

[green chameleon]

thanks so much Dragonfly. I think the main place where I wish people knew more about what is going on with me is at work. But I see how other people there are stigmatized for having similar issues and I'm afraid they won't trust me if they know.

you're right, I'm not getting the help I need and it is so frustrating. I don't know how many times a day I think of commiting myself, or hurting myself badly enough to need medical attention. I feel like the people who are supposed to help me aren't listening.

I feel lost and empty. thank god for bus

[swanfaerie]

I feel like the people who are supposed to help me aren't listening.

i know you mentioned the people at work. are those the ones who are supposed to help? besides listening, what would that help look like?

btw, it's a very good thing you're posting insteado f letting these feelings continue to be stuck inside of you.

swannie