Before ... looking at the urge

[soulstory]

I've been stressed out this week because I'm going back to college on the 7th. The situation won't actually change if I hurt myself, but I'll feel a little bit calmer and less anxious about school. I'll feel a little bit more able to handle the stress of going back to classes, but I will also have injuries to take care of and to explain to curious students. In the long run, I want to be able to handle feelings without reacting to them in an unsafe way. Hurting myself would bring me further from that goal.

The relief would only last for a few hours. After that, it's very likely that I would have strong urges to SI again. Since I had already SI'd, it's more likely that I would give-in to those urges and begin a pattern of regular SI. Also, there's a good chance that I would be anxious about my wounds and paranoid that they'll get infected. So even though I won't feel as anxious about school, I'll feel anxious about the SI.

Right now, I can play with Biskit the Wonderdog instead of SI'ing. It will distract me from the urges and feelings and remind me that I've got an awesome dog who loves me no matter what. That feeling will last for as long as I play with him. After that, I can be supportive of others here on bus or play some video games... anything to distract myself from urges.

If I hurt myself today, tomorrow I will feel guilty, depressed, ashamed, and anxious. If I do the other things (i.e. playing with Biskit), I won't have any feelings tomorrow that are related to what I did today.

Right now, I really want to go to sleep. The best way for me to honor the part of me that does not want to SI is to distract myself until the urge passes.

[littlethings]

It sounds like you have a pretty good handle on what you need to do, but I thought I'd drop by- if only because before I saw the picture in your sig, and wanted to say that your dog looks a lot like mine.

I understand you are trying to distract yourself to deal with this urge, but I'm wondering- what coping mechanisms do you plan to use to deal with regular school stresses? Is there a way for you to relieve some of that stress? What long-term non-SI specific coping mechanisms would work for this feeling?

JoAnna

[soulstory]

Hmmmmmm... what non-SI specific coping mechanisms do I have for dealing with regular school stresses? Hmmmmmmmm ::::::

long-term coping mechanisms... there's gotta be some... hmmmmm. It would be easier if this were multiple choice!!!!

Usually I deal with school stress by keeping myself really busy so that I don't have much time to stop and feel the feelings. Is that particularly healthy? Probably not. But honestly, the only thing that I've found thus far that has kept me from SI has been distraction. Needless to say, I'm a very distracted individual.

I should probably come up with some other coping mechanisms I suppose. Maybe that would make the urges go away instead of them lasting for months on end.

Thanks for taking the time to read my post and give input.

Take care.
Catherine