Slip up that wasn't so sliped.

[kurdt_kobain]

have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.

Yes.


what had happened just before?

I had been talking to him via email and he never responded to my last one. I figured I upset him. I was thinking about him and I couldn't stop and I wanted a mark for him on me so that I would always remember.

what were you thinking and feeling?

I was thinking I wanted a new scar that was his.


why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it?

Both. It was just I was nervous and hating myself and insecure and that finally triggered me enough to just want to mark my body. I didn't notice how deep it was until the blood ran down my hand.


How did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw.

I don't know. I think I was always going to do it, it just happened at that time. I was waiting through the entire week for things to finally upset me enough to cut, and finally I just did.


were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?

No. It was late at night, but I'm a night owl. I think it was just me being an idiot. I wanted to cut.


what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?

I didn't try anything. I made the decision because I was waiting till I made that decision. I don't know exactly why I did it. I just waited for his email, and when it didn't come I wanted a mark on my body.

I know that's really stupid. I guess I was also slightly triggered by looking at some photos of scars too.


in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?

See, I don't know what else to use. I still don't know. Could someone tell me?

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.

Journal. But my parents might read it.
Read a book and try to forget about it. But that's never worked before.


how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?

I feel much better towards it. I feel calm, and I'm proud of the mark on my body. That's all I wanted. I'm proud that I handled it and that I can look on things more calmly now without panicking. It worked, you know?


are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?

I'm waiting again for this tempoary fix to stop working and for the emotions to bulid back up again. And as soon as they do that, I don't know. I'll cut again. I honestly don't know what else to do.


hat will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

I'll try to forget about it.
I'll try to mark my body with a sharpie.
I'll try to listen to loud music and drown out my thoughts so they won't run around and insult me.