here again

[Scoots]

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?

P and I have been having problems in our relationship, i thought things were improving and then he completely ignored me all night. When i tried to talk about it with him he blamed me for it all. i had a bad weekend and told myself i just had to hang on till last night because i had a full medical yesterday and didn't want there to be any visible marks. Last night i felt good enough about myself that i didn't feel the need to, yet today i have come crashing down again. i'm also worried as i have exams starting on monday. i don't know whether it is that i want a physical expression of my inner pain or whether it is that i just want to hurt myself for the situations i get myself into, probably a bit of both.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?

I have been here before in the sense that i have wanted to si before. sometimes for somewhat similar reasons sometimes for vastly different reasons. sometimes i have resisted the urge other times i have given in.


What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?

I've tried talking about it to P, tried to explain how i'm feeling. i can go downstairs to talk to my parents (not about it but about stuff in general), i probably will do that but then i'm not sure what i can do in the longer term that will help.

How do I feel right now?

i feel anxious, upset, like i want to cry but can't. i feel very alone

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?

i will feel the pain but it will be a relief too.

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?

i will feel angry that i lost my days and will have to start again. if it hasn't "worked" then i will feel angry that i lost my days for nothing.

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?

i don't know if i can avoid the stressor, it is part of the life that is living with and dealing with people. i need to work out how to deal with it better so that i don't get to this point again.

Do I need to hurt myself?

i don't need to hurt myself, i know that in my head but part of me believes that it is the best way of dealing with things and this is a big emotional issue for me and my natural way of dealing with emotional problems is by si.

[Jomomma]

Are there 5 things you can think of to do that will distract you for the time being?
What can you find around you to make you feel some happiness and help you through the moment?