I feel as though I am letting everyone down

[xx_please_save_me_xx]

My Mom wants me to be one way, my Dad wants me to be another way, my sister wants me to be another way, my friends want me to be another way, and so on and so on and so on. I don't know what to do. Everyone expects something different from me, but I am only one person and I can only be one kind of person.

My family doesn't get along. Our house is kinda like a war zone with everyone fighting all the time, I normally try and hide in my room and then my dad comes up and asks what's wrong. I sit there and think, What the Hell isn't wrong? Then he goes away and there is more yelling. I can't stand it. I hate it when my family fights, especially when they try to get me to take sides.

My friends only want what is best for me. They always try to keep my happy, and they blame themselves when I am upset even though it has nothing to do with them. I have five people who I hang out with and they just kind of hang out together and I get left out. I always feel like I am alone even when they are there with me. Just in that little group I am being pulled in a bunch of different directions. The only person I feel comfortable with is J. Mo because she also suffers like me. She is the only person who can even somewhat relate to what I am going through. Then I cut myself because of my family issues and everyone kind of ditches me and leaves me to think things through by myself when I need to talk to someone the most. Then they want me to talk when I can't talk to them about stuff.

I always feel like if I talk to someone they will tell my parents what I told them. I can't have that happen because they are already dissapointed in me as it is. They want me to be perfect, but I am the total opposite of that, I am the little depressed girl who can't get anything done without someones help. I hate having to rely on people, but without being able to talk to someone else I probably would have committed suicide a long time ago.

[treasure]

welcome to BUS. a pressie for you -

i understand having expectations you can't live up to, my family is similar. i think its important you look after yourself rather than try and please others. your friends wouldn't be your friends if they didn't like you, so maybe you need to let them see more of you being yourself.

are their expectations resonable? i've tried hard to live up to expectations to be "perfect" and am slowly trying to get the message across to family that those expectations are never going to be filled.

what do *you* want to be? if you have a clear view of your needs and you can be comfortable with yourself then others expectations wont be important.

I always feel like if I talk to someone they will tell my parents what I told them. I can't have that happen because they are already dissapointed in me as it is

maybe you should take a risk and be honest with your parents? maybe they aren't disappointed, but actually care about you?

treasure

[fragmentsofagirl]

Wow. I can totally understand where you're coming from. I've been in a similar place to where you are right now. Back in middle school, my house felt just like a war zone. My fmaily was always fighting and I tried not to get caught in the crossfire, which meant I was isolated. It was pretty much get yelled at or be ignored. My friends were too young an sheltered to understand and I wasn't allowed to talk about what was going on (legal trouble) anyways. Sounds a little like you situation.

You cannot be perfect. No one can. Your parents probably don't expect perfection from you, but they expect so much that sometimes you feel like if you're not perfect, you're letting them down. I suspect that it's possible that you even expect yourself to be perfect. I may be wrong, but I get that impression. It's important to accept ourselves as flawed. Some flaws can be fixed. Some need to be. Some don't need to be. But, we will never fix them all. We can't reach perfection. Once we can accept this (something I'm trying to do myself), we often find it easier to embrace ourselves. We soften up on ourselves, no longer harshly berating ourselves for every tiny mistake.

I really think you should try and see a counselor. I don't know if you can, but I would look into it if it's possible (financially, parents will allow it, etc). You sound like someone who's weathered a lot of storms and come out a bit damaged. And, you can tell a good counselor anything. They can handle anything you can throw at them. They don't take anything personally. And they're very good problem-solvers. They're good at giving you an objective perspective. They can help you form new, healthy coping mechanisms and (when you're ready) stop SI-ing.

Lastly, you're not a little depressed girl who can't do anything on her own. You are a human being in need of some help. We all need it sometimes, in one way or another. So, whatever you do, I hope you find help.

[princessjane]

I get how you feel, I just moved and the family just doesnt get along new step dad and stuff.. we fight and My step dad wants me to be good at sports and fishing =| and i am i just find it boring
My mom wants me to be smarter and thinner, and she expects alot. That i cant give
Some girls at school bugg me about ''always looking sad''
Its hard, I hope you find some more friends who help you more. (reply to the first noter.} (person who wrote this thing like started it}