seeing this therapist who is client centred which means he is non directive - doesnt really comment on what im saying, but reflects what i say back to me.
i made a passing comment that i thought smoking would be easy to give up compared to s/h but its not what i found, but lat least i dont have to give up drinking as im not an alcoholic (i dont think!). he said well if you were an alcoholic at least you can blame the abuse.
this made me really mad as for so many years i blamed myself and am just begining to put the blame where it belongs. maybe if i had given *them* responsibility a long time ago i would not have been so ill for so long.
he just dint seem to get whaat i was saying and just said he was confused as to why i was upset - i must have explained it 3 times - getting more and more frustrated. i put my coat on ready to storm off but dint want to go with it unresolved, so ended up apolgising to him for getting angry. in the end he did apologise for his off the cuff remark.
he is supposed to be a specalist in SA but sometimes he just seems so insensitive the 'normal' things that happen as a result.
maybe he is just trying to get me to 'soothe' myself or somthing. this certainly highlighted the fact that i am very tetchy about 'blame'.
but sometimes i get so god-damn frustrated with him.
i know part of my resistance to the client centred approach is the fact that sometimes i still want some magic person to come and make everything ok - which aint never gonna happen!
this has turned into a bit of a ramble,not sure what i wanted i guess i just needed to vent. i know it must be helping really, i just get so frustrated...
tiger
venting:client centred therapy (**SA)
venting:client centred therapy (**SA)
Living well is the best revenge...
When kids are little, I think it may be reasonable to blame the adults in their lives for how they behave.
As they grow up, though, they become more and more responsible for how they behave.
Eventually, they're adults. And no matter how much they were failed by the adults in their childhood, they are responsible for dealing with that legacy.
That doesn't mean that other people didn't do some horrible and completely wrong things to them or that those horrible and wrong things don't continue to affect them, often in significant ways.
But it does mean that they've got choices about how to deal with their lives. The abusers get the blame, but the abused has the responsibility.
I think there's a huge difference between blaming childhood abuse for alcoholism -- which suggests that the alcoholic can do nothing to change things -- and acknowledging that childhood abuse has a role in alcoholism while also acknowledging that the alcoholic is the person who has to change things.
Maybe he is attempting to get you to realize that the people who abused you when you were a child can't make your life better now. Only you can. And therefore blaming your problems on anyone or anything is not nearly as helpful as accepting responsibility for doing something about problems that other people admittedly contributed to and in some cases caused outright.
As they grow up, though, they become more and more responsible for how they behave.
Eventually, they're adults. And no matter how much they were failed by the adults in their childhood, they are responsible for dealing with that legacy.
That doesn't mean that other people didn't do some horrible and completely wrong things to them or that those horrible and wrong things don't continue to affect them, often in significant ways.
But it does mean that they've got choices about how to deal with their lives. The abusers get the blame, but the abused has the responsibility.
I think there's a huge difference between blaming childhood abuse for alcoholism -- which suggests that the alcoholic can do nothing to change things -- and acknowledging that childhood abuse has a role in alcoholism while also acknowledging that the alcoholic is the person who has to change things.
Maybe he is attempting to get you to realize that the people who abused you when you were a child can't make your life better now. Only you can. And therefore blaming your problems on anyone or anything is not nearly as helpful as accepting responsibility for doing something about problems that other people admittedly contributed to and in some cases caused outright.
thanks for ther reply gerald.
i have reflected on what made me so angry quite a bit and spoke to t about it (after deciding that i would go back!).
it turns out that i got the wrong end of the stick a bit. i thought he was implying that i blame everything that happens to me in the present on past abuse. he was actually just encouraging me to look at blame, and put responsibility for being hurt back with the abusers insted of on myself all the time. i do take responsibility for all my present actions, and would blame myself if i became an alcoholic, but hopefuly i wont have to go there.
it certainly got me thinking...
i have reflected on what made me so angry quite a bit and spoke to t about it (after deciding that i would go back!).
it turns out that i got the wrong end of the stick a bit. i thought he was implying that i blame everything that happens to me in the present on past abuse. he was actually just encouraging me to look at blame, and put responsibility for being hurt back with the abusers insted of on myself all the time. i do take responsibility for all my present actions, and would blame myself if i became an alcoholic, but hopefuly i wont have to go there.
it certainly got me thinking...
Living well is the best revenge...
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 29 guests