two sides (kinda related to my post don't know who i am...)

[collide]

ok i need help with this too...

ok...i know i am an intellegent person and i know that i have success in life...but when depression or mood swings, or just something unexpected happens that turns out negative, i feel very horrible and worthless...i can't see the other, i guess, more real part of myself....and the sad thing is i feel utterly down in the pits...my moods go so down that it's not just i feel inadequate, i just feel utterly hopeless and worthless...

then it's hard to pick up the pieces, cuz mostly i get so depressed that i end up sing or i get sent ot a psych ward....of course when i am there i feel even more terrible...esp since i am a psych major, just restarting a new grad program...

then, i feel in my good states VERY happy (not manic) when i am working with students, esp special needs students...that's my gift and strong point, and prob goal in life...that's why i want to be a school psychologist....most my jobs been working with special needs students of all kinds autism, Asperger's Syndrome, Down Syndrome, at risk, Resource, and Special Ed...i feel like a VERY DIFFERENT PERSON...i feel like i can handle the job and not break out into an episode no matter what happens at my job...but in real life that is not me...i am in a sense LIKE THOSE KIDS...and my Therapist takes care of me...WHY CAN'T I BE THE WAY I AM TO THOSE KIDS TO MYSELF??????? in my real life, everything is chaotic......relationships...my emotions just erupting or getting triggered so easily...etc

collide

[mallie]

I think most people have different sides of themselves that are shown in different situations. They are different aspects of you, but all of it is you.

I don't have any ideas on how to feel that competent part of you acting in relation to your own moods, but wanted to let you know that I hear you.

[collide]

thanks mallie for listening...i just wish there was more conguency (that a word)?....just wish i could take care of myself the way i can help out special needs kids...