I need help, bad dream

[katja]

I thought I was doing really well, and I WAS. But I had a bad dream that made things real bad. I was SA and I've kind of dealt with it and put it to the back of my mind. I've never beleived that people like...block things out but after this dream, im not sure. Its really shook me. I was asking this girl why I never fit in anywhere and she replied by showing me a tape on her car stereo. It was a tape of me and my abusor talking, as soon as I heard the voices I had a panic attack in reality and woke up with the most immense feeling of terror. I get the impression that I was dreaming about something that my subconcious didn't want me to see and woke me up very suddenly. I have a really big feeling that something more happened than I thought it did because I recognise the beggining bit of the dream tape and the brand new emotion that i felt when i heard it. and I'm really scared. Its making me feel really cutty an I cant talk to anyone an I'm just withdrawing from everyone and being moody all the time. I really need help any replies at all would be welcome.

[holli]

Dreams can be very scarey sometimes, because they can be so real and tap into emotions that are so easily masked from everyday life. I also was SA, and the emotions from that go so deep. Right when I think I am "done"...WHAM! The person in my life who has helped me the most said she thinks that when a new emotion or memory surfaces it could very well be because I am stronger and ready to deal with it on a new level and take on the next step. Each step brings me (and you) closer to healing. She is a wise woman and has never steared me wrong.

I also tend to retreat when this happens to me, and it is usually a mistake. If there is a trusted person in your life who can be there, seek them out now. You may not need/want to talk, and he/she may not be able to do anyhing but give you a hug, but sometimes that's all you need.

I have been there, and it SUCKS!! Please don't cut, even though the urge is so powerful. You are stronger than the urge is...even if it doesn't seem like it now.

be strong!
with love~
holly

[fuzzy ducky]

I get these sort of dreams too, about when I was SA'd and they do really shake you up, it is awul, and it only ever hits you when you think you are ok again.

But I do agree totally with Holli, the only way you can get past it is to face it, and not hide away from it. I had someone I could go to when it happened, and it did help a lot, and now I can even almost deal with it when I am on my own.

It does get easier, and I just hope that you can believe me. I know it is scary and crap when it happens, but dont let yourself be dragged back down by it.

PM me if you ever want to talk.

[theboldeditalics]

I'm sorry about that.

::sends support::

hope you feel better soon. i don't really have much advice for you, sorry.

[Space_Man]

…she replied by showing me a tape on her car stereo. It was a tape of me and my abusor talking….

I’m not very good at dream analysis, but—on the tape—could you discern what you and your abuser were actually talking about?

[katja]

hey u guys thankyou for the replies. im gonna start psychology again soon an I think i can talk about it with her...even though she threatened to tell the police last time before i even opened my mouth! so i couldnt say anything, maybe now im of age an everythin..hm.
I dunno what we were saying on the tape, I really diddn't want to hear it. All I remember from that memory is that it was dark and I was sat on the edge of a bed and we were talking very quietly. I dont think i want to remember if it is a real thing, id rather think it was a dream.
xxxx
Thankyou!!