I have the feeling that my life is so empty. The last few months I didn't have to work much for school, in fact I barely had to work at all. And this leaves me with sooo much time for myself. Which is great. But also scary. I've been watching a lot of TV lately, a lot more than I did before. Not just because of boredom, but because there are good things on (e.g. Desperate Housewives ).
My day: I come home from school, eat lunch, do a bit of school work, eat and eat and eat and eat sweeks and chips and everything, in between I do come here, play the flute if I want to (I don't play well, and this upsets me), maybe read a bit, and always eat, eat, eat, and then in the evening I watch TV and eat again. Wow.

And everyday I am so angry with myself because I am wasting so much time. The ED and SI and all the negative thoughts consume a lot of my mind space - but they don't seem to consume my time anymore. Everyday I am angry with myself

Other people are in a football club, in a dancing club, they work after school and have a job, they take music lessons - I do none of that. It's sad to admit that I have no hobbies at all, nothing that I really want to do. And somehow this emptiness scares me.
I want to do sports (I just recently quit badminton due to the people, and because I felt so fat and clumsy there), but I am too bad at it, seriously, and too fat. to play in an ochestra, I am too bad too, it would be ridiculous.
Do you have any ideas for new hobbies? What are your hobbies?
Hm, and in the end of the day I beat myself up for not doing anything - maybe learning a new language in my free time since I want to be a translator one day. Or just anything.
But no matter what I do - whether I do anything useful or not - I will end up beating myself up and SIing.
