Comfort

[Chessie]

A dear friend of mine needs me to be there for her, as she's unable to provide comfort for me right now...she's going through a hard time.

However, I'm having a hard time and I've done all I possibly can to comfort myself....my family isn't really there...and those I've asked for comfort, don't seem willing to give. Even just a hug or an "I care," or an "I'm thinking of you," would help more than anyone knows....

How do I get people to understand?

-C.

[NobodyToYou]

I don't really know how to get others to recognize that you need help...sometimes I think it would be eaiser if I could cry like other people or look as sad on the outside as I feel on the inside. Then people might notice and try to help.
I know it is not the same as IRL...but I do care. And I wish I could help. I am so sorry people don't recognize your need. I hope you are ok.

[erinmv]

I think sometimes it's hard for those who love us to deal with how sad we are sometimes. They want to fix it, but they can't. And I think that sometimes it makes some people feel inadequate when they can't fix it. Maybe you need to tell them WHAT you need. Tell them that you don't need them to fix it, you don't need them to say anything. You just need them to sit with you and be your friend. It's not that they don't care. I'm sure they just don't know what to say or do.

[mallie]

I think it is hard to make people understand. People that don't have your experience will never truly know what you're going through.

Generally the best way to get what you need from someone is to ask directly, but it sounds like that isn't working for you. Sometimes changing the way you ask can help, or finding something that is easier for the person to give you. What I mean by that, is instead of asking for reassurance that someone cares or is thinking of you, asking if they could hang out for a while, or have a general chat, or play a game or something. For someone who doesn't like to express emotion, it might be a way they can give you attention and show they care, that could be more comfortable than saying it, and might mean as much to you. Is there something like that you could ask for ?

The other thing that I thought as I read, was that you say people aren't willing to give comfort. Are they aware that you're not looking for total support and in depth time/energy consuming looking after you, but more just a bit of affection and attention ? (From what I'm reading, this is what it sounds like you're wanting, more for someone to say I care, and show that, rather than a really interdependant kind of relationship. If I've got it wrong, let me know). If they don't know this, more clearly and directly expressing what you need, and then letting people know how much it means when they do give it, might make it more likely for you to get what you're needing.

How have you asked for what you need before ?

- Mallie.